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Thread: Iím so scared

  1. #1
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    Default Iím so scared

    As many of you may know I’ve been really struggling with this. With the seven months of anabiotic Misery, I was left to deal with this permanent swelling. The Accutane I took a few weeks ago, the three pills, has once again made life unbearable.

    At least before the Accutane I was relatively comfortable, now my face and my eyes are on fire. I slept with the windows open last night propped up on pillows with my house at 45į, and I could not get the heat off my face.

    Two whole years of hell I’ve endured because of a dermatologist oversight. Just before all this happened my wife had an affair I had to leave my family.
    I know life isn’t always fair and it has its ups and downs. And I know there are people out there suffering with worse conditions.

    This isn’t some pimples or a crooked nose or a chipped tooth. This is a complete change of skin tone from the neck up with swelling from my chin, cheeks, nose, forehead, under eyes. It’s severe edema.

    Now everything burns. I can’t put the fire out.

    I always thought if things got so bad, I had an out. An escape.

    Well I don’t. I can’t bring myself to pull the trigger.

    Life is SO precious and time is SO short.

    But I can’t live like this.

    I can’t go outside. I can’t excersise.

    I can’t take my kids to Disney or the beach.

    The shame of all of this is it didn’t have to happen.

    Now my daily life will never be comfortable again.

    And I can’t kill my self. I’m too scared. So now the anxiety of being stuck here, like this.

    I want to live more than anything. But I can’t. Not like this. And I can’t die either.

    I lost my family, my comfort of being pain free, the way I look. They took my face away from me after I just lost my family.

    I can’t take anymore.
    Last edited by Weezer; 29th October 2018 at 04:58 PM.

  2. #2
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    Hi Weezer

    I think some kind of psychological support - whatever form you think would help you best - might be useful at this point, as it will help you make the best decisions about treating your rosacea, as well as hopefully feel better in yourself. Have you tried the tapping technique? I find this helpful, and you can do it daily. Just follow this video and you can learn it:
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWu3rSEddZI

    It doesn't take much effort, only takes ten minutes.

  3. #3
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    Who knows what makes the Rosacea beast appear. The burning is absolutely awful, itís just the worst part of having this skin condition. Please talk to your gp about trying an antidepressant.

  4. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by Countrygirl View Post
    Who knows what makes the Rosacea beast appear. The burning is absolutely awful, itís just the worst part of having this skin condition. Please talk to your gp about trying an antidepressant.


    I take Effexor and amyliptropine

  5. #5
    Senior Member laser_cat's Avatar
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    dear weezer

    my sense is you want and need something the forum cannot give you, that you are overwhelmed by your emotions and it's so hard to think of solutions in that place, or even realize that solutions might be there, or listen to others who might have solutions. If you are having thoughts of suicide especially (regardless of your intention to follow-through) I hope you are talking to a mental health professional. I hope you have someone in your life (mental health professional) that can help validate your experience, brainstorm coping strategies that work for you, etc. If you are seeing someone now, maybe it's time to switch. Your thoughts are compounding such a mental hell for you.

    I'm sure many people going through this forum, registered or not, have felt + thought the thoughts you have thought. So you are not alone, but I don't know how much that makes a dent right now.

    Get a handle on your depression. Learn to accept yourself as you are, regardless of what you look like, regardless of whether your rosacea/your burning will improve, and you will feel less frantic, scared, and better able to breathe in the world. Because that's likely what you (what any of us here) really want.
    As for your appearance, if someone is weird about it, f* em.
    As for the burning, chronic pain is tough, but there are many support networks, nerve medications, chronic pain doctors and therapists, when you are ready. I'd say the first year is the hardest, when you are in shock. I did not cope well at all. But it is possible to find new ways of meaning again, even in chronic pain + limited abilities. Finding people who have it objectively worse than me, but who cope better than me, has been humbling, inspiring, and eye-opening.

    take care

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by Weezer View Post
    As many of you may know Iíve been really struggling with this. With the seven months of anabiotic Misery, I was left to deal with this permanent swelling. The Accutane I took a few weeks ago, the three pills, has once again made life unbearable.

    At least before the Accutane I was relatively comfortable, now my face and my eyes are on fire. I slept with the windows open last night propped up on pillows with my house at 45į, and I could not get the heat off my face.

    Two whole years of hell Iíve endured because of a dermatologist oversight. Just before all this happened my wife had an affair I had to leave my family.
    I know life isnít always fair and it has its ups and downs. And I know there are people out there suffering with worse conditions.

    This isnít some pimples or a crooked nose or a chipped tooth. This is a complete change of skin tone from the neck up with swelling from my chin, cheeks, nose, forehead, under eyes. Itís severe edema.

    Now everything burns. I canít put the fire out.

    I always thought if things got so bad, I had an out. An escape.

    Well I donít. I canít bring myself to pull the trigger.

    Life is SO precious and time is SO short.

    But I canít live like this.

    I canít go outside. I canít excersise.

    I canít take my kids to Disney or the beach.

    The shame of all of this is it didnít have to happen.

    Now my daily life will never be comfortable again.

    And I canít kill my self. Iím too scared. So now the anxiety of being stuck here, like this.

    I want to live more than anything. But I canít. Not like this. And I canít die either.

    I lost my family, my comfort of being pain free, the way I look. They took my face away from me after I just lost my family.

    I canít take anymore.
    Please donít hurt yourself,weíre all here supporting each other ,donít let this skin condition take your life.
    Donít forget that we love you


    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Weezer View Post
    I take Effexor and amyliptropine
    Hi Weezer,

    Mind if I ask when you started these? I ask because when I started my current antidepressant, it took nearly eight weeks before I woke up one day and realized the worst was finally over. After starting, my mental state actually continued to deteriorate, reaching a bottom roughly two weeks in. I stabilized at that level for the next several weeks, until, like I said, rather suddenly I realized things looked much brighter.

  8. #8
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    Also, I totally understand and can empathize with the extra hellishness this condition inflicts when the burning and stinging is switched on. When it's not, when there's no heat, burning, stinging, or other physical sensation, I can almost forget that I have rosacea if I'm not in front of a mirror, not in public (when I automatically become self-conscious about it being in view of others), and/or am busy with something that occupies my mind. When the heat is on, though...ugh, I HATE it, because there's no forgetting it, no ignoring it. That's when I despise this curse the most. I pray you get some relief from that aspect of this and soon. I can't imagine being in that spot.

    Sorry if I missed it in another post or thread, but did you say if you've tried clonidine or something similar yet?

  9. #9
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    I donít think that this forum has answers, youíre right. No one does.

    Iím going to go for a long drive. Up north. Into the woods.

    This has made me so desperate I canít function.

    I appreciate everyoneís help and advice.

    Please know that this isnít who I am.

    This condition has made me irrational

    Please say a little prayer

  10. #10
    Senior Member laser_cat's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Weezer View Post
    I donít think that this forum has answers, youíre right. No one does.

    Iím going to go for a long drive. Up north. Into the woods.

    This has made me so desperate I canít function.

    I appreciate everyoneís help and advice.

    Please know that this isnít who I am.

    This condition has made me irrational

    Please say a little prayer
    <3

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