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Thread: Suicide

  1. #1
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    Default Suicide

    I think this is an important topic that I surprisingly haven't found much of on here. Rosacea is a nasty skin disease, affecting the face and causing psychological pain and suffering. If affects your mood, your self esteem, your life. I wanted to start this thread to ask if anyone has felt so down due to their rosacea that they have contemplated ending it all.

    I am guilty of this. When my skin gets bad and my life just stops and I become a prisoner in my own home, I wonder why it is I continue to live such a life. Does anyone else feel this way? And by the way, this is not a cry for help. If I ever do decide to end things, it will happen regardless of what others say. This is just a discussion since I'm sure I'm not the only one to feel this way.

  2. #2
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    Hi SBD, If you search "suicide on this forum, you'll find many, many threads on it since the forum began a decade ago.

    I just very quickly pulled two thread links:

    http://www.rosaceagroup.org/The_Rosa...ad.php?t=33793

    http://www.rosaceagroup.org/The_Rosa...ad.php?t=32912

    This condition is very hard - but more so when you haven't yet found a treatment that works for you. When you're in the throes of a flare or flush, when your face is on fire or feels too red or painful for socializing, it can all feel brutally debilitating.

    But it's temporary. And suicide is permanent.

    One of the best things I did when I first got rosacea. Was to read this forum many times over - new threads - but old threads, too. I poured over every thread. Not only will you learn about numerous treatments - medical and over the counter - that have helped many people find control or remission from their skin issues. But you also discover so many ways that people cope during the rough times. You read about success stories - there are A LOT of success stories. Many members have come her frightened and devastated and yes, suicidal...only to leave the forum after finding clear skin and a new life.

    A few years ago, I came down with severe flushing after having just come out of terrible type 2 rosacea (the bumps). The flushing would consume my whole face. Deep maroon, swollen -It wasn't pretty. Would last for 2-3 days. I left my job. I became unable to use a computer. To be around fluorescent lights. I was pretty much housebound. As I I've alone, I was also lonely. And not able to socialize and friends moved on. Suicide came into my head now and then.

    But over a year or so, I began making progress. Primarily because I tried things I read about here - from other members - that my derms never mentioned. When I learned about certain medications for flushing, I took the info to my doctors and told them about the success stories here. I learned about lasers here. And supplements. And diet. And good skin care. I learned about hormones and gut problems and blood pressure and many things that can affect skin.

    Now I have very slight redness - more like pinkness. My skin no longer burns. My flushing is much, much reduced. I'm now able to start planning to rejoin worklife and am able to go out. I'm not 100% - I still have more to learn - but I'm loads better. And that takes away a lot of obstacles and fear.

    I found that it gave me hope - not false hope - but well-founded hope - to read the success stories here. Even if the poster doesn't share your symptoms, their stories remind you that your suffering, while difficult, is temporary. Yes, even for an incurable disease. Through trial and error, setbacks and comebacks, you'll find relief for your skin. It will look better and feel better.

    So that's my insight. Read, read, read this forum. And engage with others. And google around on the web. You have to be your own health advocate - fight for yourself and invest the time to learn more than you ever thought you'd ever know about skin!

    I hope this helps. And I hope you find what works for you soon!

  3. #3
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    Great reply. :-) I struggled bad with suicidal thoughts when the nerve pain was most severe and chronic after Mirvaso (my condition was caused by being wrongly prescribed mirvaso). I still have the thoughts daily. But, I won't act on them.

  4. #4
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    Default Suicide

    Hi folks -

    I would be lying it I said in the last two years I have not thought about suicide a few times a week. I do not have children so I would not have to worry about hurting them. Still, somewhere deep inside me I feel that I will find some kind of reprieve from the symptoms, that if I maintain hope and work hard, I will achieve some kind of relief. On the really bad days, I am just very angry most of the time....on the better days I feel more hopeful. I cannot let myself think that I would feel this way every day for a lifetime or I would take a gun to my head now. Rosacea is a cruel and evil diagnosis. But I like to think, that with God's help, I am stronger than this condition.

    Wendy

  5. #5
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    Hugs to you, Wendy.

  6. #6
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    hg24, do you mind if I send you a PM?

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    Don't mind at all.

  8. #8
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    Thank you for the posts. And thank you hg24 for looking up those threads. To be honest, the thought of getting some control over my symptoms is the only thing that keeps me going. I have had suicidal thoughts for about 6 months now and to be honest, if it gets much worse, I'm not sure what I'll do. What is killing me now is that the rosacea is spreading to different areas of my face. Papules are erupting and the medication I'm on to help with those only seems to make me flush more. I look at pictures on the internet of how bad rosacea can get and wonder if that will be me soon. Just a few years back I was good looking, adventurous, free spirited and outgoing. I am not happy with the person rosacea has made me. I hate that I have to dodge social events or make excuses to not go hiking or play soccer because of my skin.

    I personally have no qualms with suicide. I think there are too many people on the planet as it is and if life is ****ty and you want out, go for it. I don't believe we are all special or that the world would have any problem continuing in our absence. So with that as my personal belief, its hard to find a good reason to continue if my quality of life is no longer something I find to be acceptable. I won't do anything for the foreseeable future but its hard to believe my life has become what it is now. If I was spared from rosacea, this would likely be the best time of my life. Funny how things work out

  9. #9
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    By the way, what's a PM? hah

  10. #10
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    On December 21 I reached my breaking point. I was so sensitive to heat that I couldn't go anywhere for Christmas. It would be too hot even if I dragged my fan along. I say in front of that fan 24/7 unless I had an appointment or to take showers or go to the bathroom. My eyes were swollen so much of the time that I couldn't do much to pass my time. I seemed to be getting worse and not better. I had 29 beta blockers left that I had been given when they thought the flushing was high thyroid. After taking one of them I was in the hospital with a slow and irregular heartbeat. I knew that taking the 29 I had left should do me in for sure. In one gulp of water I swallowed all of them, so ready to be done with this disease. I didn't tell anyone what I'd done. As the hours passed I realized that I wasn't going to die. It was like a miracle. My heart never slowed or missed a beat. My stomach never felt upset. Nothing happened. From that day on I believed that I must be here for a reason and everything would be okay. Now I don't use the fan anymore. I have a lot of pain but not so m much heat in my face anymore. Tonight for the first time since October I went out grocery shopping. Its not perfect and maybe will never be but much better than before. The minocycline didn't seem to hardly be working but near three months on it there was a big improvement almost over night. I was always so red like a fire engine. It's died down to a slight pink. Nobody can look at me and see anything wrong if they don't know. I know not everyone believes in miracles but I do. If anyone wasn't going to survive this illness I thought it was me. Every hope I'd gotten of getting better kept being snatched from me. So many disappointments. So much time wasted when I was too miserable to do anything. But now it's time to just look forward. I feel like there must be a reason I'm still here. Hang in there. I believe we are all here for a reason. I won't argue anyone who doesn't believe in that kind of thing. I respect other beliefs too. I have suffered badly with this disease as we all have. I welcome pm's from anyone who wants to talk or be friends. I have rosacea. Rosacea does not have me.

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