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Thread: Feeling suicidal.

  1. #1
    Junior Member
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    Default Feeling suicidal.

    I am only 25. I was beautiful two months ago. I had moved to a new city, gotten a promotion, a raise, was newly single, and the world was in the palm of my hand. Then came the tiny bumps. A trip to the dermatologist resulted in a diagnosis of perioral dermatitis, and I was given 100 mg of doxy daily. After about six weeks of doxy, there came the redness and burning on my eyelids. Then came the swelling, and the web of bright red veins across both eyelids. Then came the bloodshot, burning eyes that were bleary. Then the swollen, pulsing blue veins in the corners of my eyes. I've seen three dermatologists, one GP, two ER doctors, and finally an eye doctor who dismissively told
    Me I had a "touch" of ocular rosacea, and that it was
    Nothing to be concerned about.
    My life has crumbled. I can barely go outside because of the cold. Every last shred of self confidence I had is gone. My face is destroyed, I am in constant discomfort. My eyes have simultaneously sunken into their sockets and also swollen. I have shocking wrinkling under my eyes. I've been put on 20 mg of doxy a day, soon to be 40, with almost imperceptible improvement of my ocular surface. From what little I have read from dead posts on this forum, the doxy is great for the actual eyes but will not help with the swelling. It was explained to me by the last derm that all of the blood vessels in my periorbital area are faulty and leaking fluid into the surrounding tissue, which is likely not being properly cleared by lymph vessels. I do not have MGD or regular blepharitis, so azasite, etc, won't help me. My lids are actually swollen with fluid. Which basically
    Means there is no hope.

    My eyelashes are falling out so rapidly that it's alarming.

    I can no longer function. I have to leave my desk at work multiples times to choke on tears silently in the bathroom. I can't look people in the eye anymore. I used to be one of the most confident, outgoing, vibrant people you could ever hope to meet, and now I look and feel like a corpse. I've made a decision that the day my last eyelash falls out is the day I will commit suicide.

    It enrages me that in 2014 we can literally cure cancer. There are people who have full blown AIDs who look healthier than me. I'm not saying that suicide is the answer, but maybe if people are dying because of rosacea, there would be a more concentrated effort to cure this disease.

    I cannot and will not accept this quality of life.
    Thank you for listening.

  2. #2
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    Default

    I read a great article last night titled Under the lash. It's available on PubMed, and was discussed on this forum when it was published several years ago.

    http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2906820/

    All the indications suggest your condition is reversible. I have experienced eye lash loss. Though since starting a Tea Tree wash of the eyelids, I think the eyelashes are returning. The biggest improvement in my eyelid inflammation came when I excluded dried coconut from my diet.

  3. #3
    Senior Member Brady Barrows's Avatar
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    Default

    Suggest you go to a physician who cares and if the physician dismisses the psychological factors effecting rosacea have them go this article for a reference.
    Brady Barrows
    Blog - Join the RRDi



  4. #4
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    Welcome to the forum! I know exactly how you feel rosacea and seb derm started out of no where for me a little bit over a year ago and I still can't believe I just woke up one random morning with my cheeks burning. I do not have ocular rosacea but that dermatologists was wrong, ocular rosacea or any type of rosacea is something to be concerned about. Does anyone in your family have ocular rosacea? I have also been to 3 dermatologists and each one was no help at all. Don't say there is no hope. I'm 15 years old and for a long time I thought about suicide and kept telling myself nothing would get better, but having a positive attitude truly helps. I am not judging you at all but do not commit suicide. I use to wish I could die everyday and those thoughts just make things so much worse. I also realized how selfish it is to want to die over my skin while so many people in the world are fighting every day to stay alive. I have a therapist and she's amazing, I recommend finding a therapist so you can have someone to talk too. Everyone on this forum is very kind and it's a great place for information and advice. When I first found this forum I was so happy to finally realize I am not the only person with rosacea and seb derm. I can relate I left high school to do online school and I haven't seen anyone besides family and my one best friend since June. I use to cry every single time I looked in the mirror and I just spend everyday hiding in my room. I use to be very outgoing but now I feel like a different person. I agree when I first found out there I was no cure I couldn't believe it. But just because there is no cure right now doesn't mean that is not impossible for you to find something that helps keep your ocular rosacea under control or improve it. Congrats on your promotion and raise though! I wish I had more advice for you but I hope things get better!

  5. #5
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    Country: Canada

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    I know exacty what you living because i'm in the same boat as you.

    Live with rosacea is one thing fearly simple when you accept it. I would be an happy man if it was just rosacea that I have.

    But like you i'm stock with the ocular symptoms and its hell on earth. It totally ruined my life and each day is a challenge.

    Suicide is in my head everyday. But I can't do it because of my parents. I dont want them to live the lost of there son.

    So I fight till the day they passed away .

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by kdodge View Post
    I am only 25. I was beautiful two months ago. I had moved to a new city, gotten a promotion, a raise, was newly single, and the world was in the palm of my hand. Then came the tiny bumps. A trip to the dermatologist resulted in a diagnosis of perioral dermatitis, and I was given 100 mg of doxy daily. After about six weeks of doxy, there came the redness and burning on my eyelids. Then came the swelling, and the web of bright red veins across both eyelids. Then came the bloodshot, burning eyes that were bleary. Then the swollen, pulsing blue veins in the corners of my eyes. I've seen three dermatologists, one GP, two ER doctors, and finally an eye doctor who dismissively told
    Me I had a "touch" of ocular rosacea, and that it was
    Nothing to be concerned about.
    My life has crumbled. I can barely go outside because of the cold. Every last shred of self confidence I had is gone. My face is destroyed, I am in constant discomfort. My eyes have simultaneously sunken into their sockets and also swollen. I have shocking wrinkling under my eyes. I've been put on 20 mg of doxy a day, soon to be 40, with almost imperceptible improvement of my ocular surface. From what little I have read from dead posts on this forum, the doxy is great for the actual eyes but will not help with the swelling. It was explained to me by the last derm that all of the blood vessels in my periorbital area are faulty and leaking fluid into the surrounding tissue, which is likely not being properly cleared by lymph vessels. I do not have MGD or regular blepharitis, so azasite, etc, won't help me. My lids are actually swollen with fluid. Which basically
    Means there is no hope.

    My eyelashes are falling out so rapidly that it's alarming.

    I can no longer function. I have to leave my desk at work multiples times to choke on tears silently in the bathroom. I can't look people in the eye anymore. I used to be one of the most confident, outgoing, vibrant people you could ever hope to meet, and now I look and feel like a corpse. I've made a decision that the day my last eyelash falls out is the day I will commit suicide.

    It enrages me that in 2014 we can literally cure cancer. There are people who have full blown AIDs who look healthier than me. I'm not saying that suicide is the answer, but maybe if people are dying because of rosacea, there would be a more concentrated effort to cure this disease.

    I cannot and will not accept this quality of life.
    Thank you for listening.
    You are ONLY 25!! So much time and hope is on your side to figure this out. You have only
    Begun, barely, to find resources and solutions that will work for you. I guarantee you will
    Find your way. This forum has vast information to get you started.

    I recommend you find another eye dr. I have ocular rosacea as well as rosacea and seb derm.
    It's tricky. Not impossible. Currently doing eyelash scrubs and warm compresses. However,
    When I changed my diet 9 months ago ( Paleo) skin and eyes improved. Please hang in there.
    birdie

  7. #7
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    Nov 2014
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    Country: United States

    Default Fast Track Diet for IBS may seriously curtail rosacea over time without ABX

    I just figured out I have a mild form of this. I also have SIBO. Please RUN, don't walk, over to Dr. Norm Robillard's site and pick up the book Fast Track Digestion IBS (no I dont get any money for referring!) His diet is having VERY good results controlling SIBO without antibiotics by depriving the bacteria of their favorite fermentable foods. Take a very close look at his website. Read the blog posts on SIBO. Since I started his diet 6 days ago I am utterly shocked by how much my SIBO symptoms have improved, and expect my occular Rosacea to improve over the next 3 months, along with my mild facial rosacea. Norm Robillard is REALLY on to something with this diet, and it is VERY do-able. Post and get support on his forum. I did and it has been life changeing. I had bloating, gas, burping for 2 years and after I started the diet my bloating is GONE, and the other symptoms have improved by 80%!!!! I am so optomistic.

    http://digestivehealthinstitute.org/...cea-sibo-diet/

    http://digestivehealthinstitute.org/category/sibo/

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