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Thread: Can anyone help? I just cannot take this anymore! Am so depressed.

  1. #1
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    Default Can anyone help? I just cannot take this anymore! Am so depressed.

    Hi all -

    I am so completely frustrated and depressed with this condition. I have been trying very hard to change my diet to try and reduce the symptoms but still I see no progress. This morning, crying while I was getting ready for work, already in panic about having to go there with my huge pores and red face, I just said to myself "I really don't care anymore...let this disease consume me!" There was a little celebration here at work so I had a very small piece of cake...again becauase I was so tired and just stopped caring! So where am I now....in worse condition then before. I cannot focus at my desk. I am so terrribly upset. It is so hard to see any kind of future with this condition when everyday you don't know what you are going to feel or look like. How do we continue to muster the strength when I just want to say I am done...that I just don't care anymore. Can anyone help?! Thanks.

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    Senior Member johnabetts's Avatar
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    Please seek professional advice as soon as possible - both for your depression and your physical condition.

    I'm sure there is a lot that can be done for you.

    If you are already seeing healthcare professionals, they are obviously not the right ones for you and you should look for someone more suited to your needs.

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    Hi Wendy,
    A lot of us go through some terribly hard times with this disease. I am also going through a rough stretch, as my nose has been getting progressively worse.
    Try to stay positive by researching treatments and options. Read success stories and put faith in the fact that you will eventually find something that will help your condition. Don't expect a miracle cure, but a treatment that will slowly make your skin get better.
    If your best friend, parent, sibling, or anyone else close to you had a disease that affected their looks, I'm sure you would not feel any different about them. You are the same person so keep your head up and do the best with what has been given to you.http://www.rosaceagroup.org/The_Rosa...milies/yes.gif

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    Quote Originally Posted by johnabetts View Post
    Please seek professional advice as soon as possible - both for your depression and your physical condition.

    I'm sure there is a lot that can be done for you.

    If you are already seeing healthcare professionals, they are obviously not the right ones for you and you should look for someone more suited to your needs.
    Thank you johnabetts for your comment but I don't find it very helpful or encouraging. I am getting help for both, by the way.

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    Default Can anyone help? I just cannot take this anymore! Am so depressed.

    Quote Originally Posted by stablesem View Post
    Hi Wendy,
    A lot of us go through some terribly hard times with this disease. I am also going through a rough stretch, as my nose has been getting progressively worse.
    Try to stay positive by researching treatments and options. Read success stories and put faith in the fact that you will eventually find something that will help your condition. Don't expect a miracle cure, but a treatment that will slowly make your skin get better.
    If your best friend, parent, sibling, or anyone else close to you had a disease that affected their looks, I'm sure you would not feel any different about them. You are the same person so keep your head up and do the best with what has been given to you.http://www.rosaceagroup.org/The_Rosa...milies/yes.gif
    Thanks so much. It seems the more work I do to get better the worse it gets but I will keep trying.
    wendykay

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    Quote Originally Posted by wendykay View Post
    Hi all -

    I am so completely frustrated and depressed with this condition. I have been trying very hard to change my diet to try and reduce the symptoms but still I see no progress. This morning, crying while I was getting ready for work, already in panic about having to go there with my huge pores and red face, I just said to myself "I really don't care anymore...let this disease consume me!" There was a little celebration here at work so I had a very small piece of cake...again becauase I was so tired and just stopped caring! So where am I now....in worse condition then before. I cannot focus at my desk. I am so terrribly upset. It is so hard to see any kind of future with this condition when everyday you don't know what you are going to feel or look like. How do we continue to muster the strength when I just want to say I am done...that I just don't care anymore. Can anyone help?! Thanks.

    I know exactly how you feel. I'm 15 years old and I have rosacea and seb derm. They have both ruined my life. I have seen many derms and tried SOO many products but nothing has worked for me. I started a month ago on changing my diet and I still see no improvement. My rosacea and seb derm have been getting worse. And I cry all the time too. I'm doing online school now because of rosacea since whenever I'm out in public I start crying because I don't want people to see how ugly my face is. I think you should see a therapist, I go to one and she's amazing. And I wish I could give you advice but at the moment I have no strength because of rosacea. People keep on telling me in time things will get better but I've had rosacea for 9 months so far and I want to die. But it's a good thing you found this website so you can talk to other people who are going through the same thing as you. wish you luck! If you ever need to talk, you can message me

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    Default I understand.

    Hi. This is my first post ever on this site. I was on the keratosis pilaris forum before.
    Sorry for my English.


    Well, this thread is really getting me because I know how do you feel and I know it well. I have rubra faceii (some derm said it was more Rosacea) for nearly 12 years now. I must admit its an ultimate test to sanity. Its started when I was 17, first year of college, the beginning of fun, youth and life. I remember even if its long before, feeling more and more about a pressure in my face (my nose is a little red, but its mostly my cheeks the problem). Than rapidly, I had more and more a red face, starting with hairs growing on my face.
    I know there is much worse in the world, wars, genocides, tragedies all this stuff but you are still stuck with that and this condition, is one **** hell.
    Except PDL or any type of laser, I mostly tried everything, every cream, diet, even fasting. I don't smoke, very healthy, doing jogging five times a week, training, 5'11, 168lbs. No smoke, no junk foods. Fish oil omega 3, green thea, black thea, everything. Didn't do a thing.

    I won't lie that my 20s ending next July, were pretty hell on earth. Its a little better now because after 25, you feel less the crazy explosion flushing. But the permanent redness is there and I feel damages have been done until my death. The worse is on the psychological effect. Even if I can work and feel lucid and rational, there is mark and a real deep wound that will never go away.
    The first years were horrible since the flushing was constant. Any social event, meeting, shower, running, putting you're shoes on, masturbation (no joke), the sun, the cold, anxiety, hot room, metro, crowded place, hot drinks, alcohol, shaving, were triggering the heat. It was crazy and in you're mind every second. Its taking hours before going away and you are still stuck with it 24 hours a day. Its invading you're mind like being brainwash, you even fear mirrors, cannot concentrate properly, and you're praying every minute while being with people that the heat won't start or getting worse. The only good time is when you sleep.

    I won't waste my time talking about love and social relationship but back than, I became really boiling inside. There is always someone telling you if you're feel hot or how bad was the sun today? It never stopped. You feel first completely out of control of you're life. There is shame, anger, questions and no answers. Mostly in all those years, I felt desperation and oh man, bad toughs are going like a train in you're mind.
    And even if someone nice or yourself is saying "Forget it, live with it," everything and I mean everything is giving you back the tough of it in every situation. I was not in the adult world yet. When you are 17-20, people are dumb, impulsive, they don't give a **** about feeling or anything. I even gave a nearly death threat to someone.
    I isolated a lot, drink alone like a maniac. I consulted once but I felt it was just the same bull**** (not saying its a bad thing, I know it can help a lot of people and I encourage you to do it).

    I even quit university years later, not just because of that, but along with many other factors, one being the accumulation of this constant, dark depression, lost of any power in me. This condition is really taking out you're vitality and without the support of a love that is near you or calling you, you just lost the motivation. You want everything to end.

    I won't talk about my life today. Like I said, I am 29, still stuck with that. I kind of let go for some years. I am just tired to the point of not even searching or trying again. I tried meditation, it helped a little, but there are scars in a time that should have been dreams and joy, that are just there. I look to the future, try to forget the past, not that easy since its what you know about the world and life. You only know bad days and bad weeks. Its make you something, construct you're identity.
    I tried to just let it go. Sometimes I remember when I was a happy kid, than I this blackout came out. Pain can change someone.

    What is hard, is that I really felt I couldn't do anything. I changed my mindset and my behavior. I became very open, funny and gentle with everyone. But being in this world of competition, greed and narcissism, I saw I didn't have my place and I was more annoying than anything else. Indifference mostly was the general feeling. You can be the most honest, loyal, and nice person in the world, if the girl you are interest in doesn't feel anything (and there are ten guys with a white no red and beautiful face around you), even charm and seduction has no power over this condition.

    Now, at least being a very cultural and thinker guy (I read a lot in these twelve years, write and became good at conversations and philosophy), I can have some good relations with wiser and interesting people, but that's it. Its just temporary friendship. I really miss good times that I never get or relations that were never possible. And I don't lie. I cannot invent a life that I didn't have or talking about relations or good moments that didn't happen. Again, you feel cheated but also, there is a shame about you that destroy you're confidence and fate about everything in this world.

    I will just say to find something that you love, that can become you're island. It could a project. And just let it go. Try a more Buddhist way of not feeling any ego or attachment to yourself. I know its hard, I could not do that until I became very free and more older. I know its impossible when you are young and everything around you is about the look. But try. I am focusing on being calm because hate, pain and anger destroyed too much.

    Thank you for this, I am happy to know I am not the only one and there are nice people here.
    Last edited by DLhope; 11th September 2013 at 05:27 AM.

  8. #8
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    Default A little better today

    To DLhope and redfacegirl -

    I want to thank you deeply for taking the time to write in response to my post and for sharing your stories. You are truly amazing people indeed. I am very grateful for this forum and the tremendous support we can find here. I hope that I, as well as you both, continue to try and find what will work for us. Yesterday was one of my worst days in a long time so I was thankful for your support. If you ever wish to private message me, please feel free.

    Quote Originally Posted by DLhope View Post
    Hi. This is my first post ever on this site. I was on the keratosis pilaris forum before.
    Sorry for my English.


    Well, this thread is really getting me because I know how do you feel and I know it well. I have rubra faceii (some derm said it was more Rosacea) for nearly 12 years now. I must admit its an ultimate test to sanity. Its started when I was 17, first year of college, the beginning of fun, youth and life. I remember even if its long before, feeling more and more about a pressure in my face (my nose is a little red, but its mostly my cheeks the problem). Than rapidly, I had more and more a red face, starting with hairs growing on my face.
    I know there is much worse in the world, wars, genocides, tragedies all this stuff but you are still stuck with that and this condition, is one **** hell.
    Except PDL or any type of laser, I mostly tried everything, every cream, diet, even fasting. I don't smoke, very healthy, doing jogging five times a week, training, 5'11, 168lbs. No smoke, no junk foods. Fish oil omega 3, green thea, black thea, everything. Didn't do a thing.

    I won't lie that my 20s ending next July, were pretty hell on earth. Its a little better now because after 25, you feel less the crazy explosion flushing. But the permanent redness is there and I feel damages have been done until my death. The worse is on the psychological effect. Even if I can work and feel lucid and rational, there is mark and a real deep wound that will never go away.
    The first years were horrible since the flushing was constant. Any social event, meeting, shower, running, putting you're shoes on, masturbation (no joke), the sun, the cold, anxiety, hot room, metro, crowded place, hot drinks, alcohol, shaving, were triggering the heat. It was crazy and in you're mind every second. Its taking hours before going away and you are still stuck with it 24 hours a day. Its invading you're mind like being brainwash, you even fear mirrors, cannot concentrate properly, and you're praying every minute while being with people that the heat won't start or getting worse. The only good time is when you sleep.

    I won't waste my time talking about love and social relationship but back than, I became really boiling inside. There is always someone telling you if you're feel hot or how bad was the sun today? It never stopped. You feel first completely out of control of you're life. There is shame, anger, questions and no answers. Mostly in all those years, I felt desperation and oh man, bad toughs are going like a train in you're mind.
    And even if someone nice or yourself is saying "Forget it, live with it," everything and I mean everything is giving you back the tough of it in every situation. I was not in the adult world yet. When you are 17-20, people are dumb, impulsive, they don't give a **** about feeling or anything. I even gave a nearly death threat to someone.
    I isolated a lot, drink alone like a maniac. I consulted once but I felt it was just the same bull**** (not saying its a bad thing, I know it can help a lot of people and I encourage you to do it).

    I even quit university years later, not just because of that, but along with many other factors, one being the accumulation of this constant, dark depression, lost of any power in me. This condition is really taking out you're vitality and without the support of a love that is near you or calling you, you just lost the motivation. You want everything to end.

    I won't talk about my life today. Like I said, I am 29, still stuck with that. I kind of let go for some years. I am just tired to the point of not even searching or trying again. I tried meditation, it helped a little, but there are scars in a time that should have been dreams and joy, that are just there. I look to the future, try to forget the past, not that easy since its what you know about the world and life. You only know bad days and bad weeks. Its make you something, construct you're identity.
    I tried to just let it go. Sometimes I remember when I was a happy kid, than I this blackout came out. Pain can change someone.

    What is hard, is that I really felt I couldn't do anything. I changed my mindset and my behavior. I became very open, funny and gentle with everyone. But being in this world of competition, greed and narcissism, I saw I didn't have my place and I was more annoying than anything else. Indifference mostly was the general feeling. You can be the most honest, loyal, and nice person in the world, if the girl you are interest in doesn't feel anything (and there are ten guys with a white no red and beautiful face around you), even charm and seduction has no power over this condition.

    Now, at least being a very cultural and thinker guy (I read a lot in these twelve years, write and became good at conversations and philosophy), I can have some good relations with wiser and interesting people, but that's it. Its just temporary friendship. I really miss good times that I never get or relations that were never possible. And I don't lie. I cannot invent a life that I didn't have or talking about relations or good moments that didn't happen. Again, you feel cheated but also, there is a shame about you that destroy you're confidence and fate about everything in this world.

    I will just say to find something that you love, that can become you're island. It could a project. And just let it go. Try a more Buddhist way of not feeling any ego or attachment to yourself. I know its hard, I could not do that until I became very free and more older. I know its impossible when you are young and everything around you is about the look. But try. I am focusing on being calm because hate, pain and anger destroyed too much.

    Thank you for this, I am happy to know I am not the only one and there are nice people here.

  9. #9
    Senior Member nat007's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DLhope View Post
    Hi. This is my first post ever on this site. I was on the keratosis pilaris forum before.
    Sorry for my English.


    Well, this thread is really getting me because I know how do you feel and I know it well. I have rubra faceii (some derm said it was more Rosacea) for nearly 12 years now. I must admit its an ultimate test to sanity. Its started when I was 17, first year of college, the beginning of fun, youth and life. I remember even if its long before, feeling more and more about a pressure in my face (my nose is a little red, but its mostly my cheeks the problem). Than rapidly, I had more and more a red face, starting with hairs growing on my face.
    I know there is much worse in the world, wars, genocides, tragedies all this stuff but you are still stuck with that and this condition, is one **** hell.
    Except PDL or any type of laser, I mostly tried everything, every cream, diet, even fasting. I don't smoke, very healthy, doing jogging five times a week, training, 5'11, 168lbs. No smoke, no junk foods. Fish oil omega 3, green thea, black thea, everything. Didn't do a thing.

    I won't lie that my 20s ending next July, were pretty hell on earth. Its a little better now because after 25, you feel less the crazy explosion flushing. But the permanent redness is there and I feel damages have been done until my death. The worse is on the psychological effect. Even if I can work and feel lucid and rational, there is mark and a real deep wound that will never go away.
    The first years were horrible since the flushing was constant. Any social event, meeting, shower, running, putting you're shoes on, masturbation (no joke), the sun, the cold, anxiety, hot room, metro, crowded place, hot drinks, alcohol, shaving, were triggering the heat. It was crazy and in you're mind every second. Its taking hours before going away and you are still stuck with it 24 hours a day. Its invading you're mind like being brainwash, you even fear mirrors, cannot concentrate properly, and you're praying every minute while being with people that the heat won't start or getting worse. The only good time is when you sleep.

    I won't waste my time talking about love and social relationship but back than, I became really boiling inside. There is always someone telling you if you're feel hot or how bad was the sun today? It never stopped. You feel first completely out of control of you're life. There is shame, anger, questions and no answers. Mostly in all those years, I felt desperation and oh man, bad toughs are going like a train in you're mind.
    And even if someone nice or yourself is saying "Forget it, live with it," everything and I mean everything is giving you back the tough of it in every situation. I was not in the adult world yet. When you are 17-20, people are dumb, impulsive, they don't give a **** about feeling or anything. I even gave a nearly death threat to someone.
    I isolated a lot, drink alone like a maniac. I consulted once but I felt it was just the same bull**** (not saying its a bad thing, I know it can help a lot of people and I encourage you to do it).

    I even quit university years later, not just because of that, but along with many other factors, one being the accumulation of this constant, dark depression, lost of any power in me. This condition is really taking out you're vitality and without the support of a love that is near you or calling you, you just lost the motivation. You want everything to end.

    I won't talk about my life today. Like I said, I am 29, still stuck with that. I kind of let go for some years. I am just tired to the point of not even searching or trying again. I tried meditation, it helped a little, but there are scars in a time that should have been dreams and joy, that are just there. I look to the future, try to forget the past, not that easy since its what you know about the world and life. You only know bad days and bad weeks. Its make you something, construct you're identity.
    I tried to just let it go. Sometimes I remember when I was a happy kid, than I this blackout came out. Pain can change someone.

    What is hard, is that I really felt I couldn't do anything. I changed my mindset and my behavior. I became very open, funny and gentle with everyone. But being in this world of competition, greed and narcissism, I saw I didn't have my place and I was more annoying than anything else. Indifference mostly was the general feeling. You can be the most honest, loyal, and nice person in the world, if the girl you are interest in doesn't feel anything (and there are ten guys with a white no red and beautiful face around you), even charm and seduction has no power over this condition.

    Now, at least being a very cultural and thinker guy (I read a lot in these twelve years, write and became good at conversations and philosophy), I can have some good relations with wiser and interesting people, but that's it. Its just temporary friendship. I really miss good times that I never get or relations that were never possible. And I don't lie. I cannot invent a life that I didn't have or talking about relations or good moments that didn't happen. Again, you feel cheated but also, there is a shame about you that destroy you're confidence and fate about everything in this world.

    I will just say to find something that you love, that can become you're island. It could a project. And just let it go. Try a more Buddhist way of not feeling any ego or attachment to yourself. I know its hard, I could not do that until I became very free and more older. I know its impossible when you are young and everything around you is about the look. But try. I am focusing on being calm because hate, pain and anger destroyed too much.

    Thank you for this, I am happy to know I am not the only one and there are nice people here.
    What a very beautiful and touching post.. I can relate with so much you wrote and I think everyone here on this forum reading it will. I think a lot of people with rosacea go through the phases you described. I have the same, after almost 14 years with this horrible condition I also went through anger, desperation, anxiety, shutting off, trying out anything I could get my hands on, becoming indifferent to everything and anyone around me. The worst part for me is the total lack of control, the full impact rosacea has on every aspect of your life and the many things you miss out on and can no longer do because of it. This lifestyle doesn't match with my personality. I also agree that for some, focusing your attention on something you can still actually do and be good at, is one of the ways out of this dark place. It takes a lot of time. For me the first 7 or 8 years were absorbed by trying out creams, treatments, medications, laser/IPL, diets and just fretting about it constantly and finishing university. Only once I found some sort of control back with medication, I could build up some small things that give some meaning and structure again to life, like going for walks when its cloudy and cool or late in the day, picking up work you can do within the rosacea restrictions, patching up friendships again with those considerate and caring about you (generally the long term friends) and stuff like that. First thing should be to find a good doctor and start trying out treatment options step by step. My life is still ruled by rosacea, but I take advantage of the good periods and go out and do things I enjoy then, and I accept the bad periods. It gives a lot more sense of calm and control. Good luck
    Uses: 22,5 mg mirtazapine, clonidine and propranolol, Xyzal at times.
    Diet: trying low sugar, no gluten and dairy, high protein diet.
    Link to my rosacea blog:http://scarletnat.blogspot.com

  10. #10
    Senior Member gizzy's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DLhope View Post
    Hi. This is my first post ever on this site. I was on the keratosis pilaris forum before.
    Sorry for my English.


    Well, this thread is really getting me because I know how do you feel and I know it well. I have rubra faceii (some derm said it was more Rosacea) for nearly 12 years now. I must admit its an ultimate test to sanity. Its started when I was 17, first year of college, the beginning of fun, youth and life. I remember even if its long before, feeling more and more about a pressure in my face (my nose is a little red, but its mostly my cheeks the problem). Than rapidly, I had more and more a red face, starting with hairs growing on my face.
    I know there is much worse in the world, wars, genocides, tragedies all this stuff but you are still stuck with that and this condition, is one **** hell.
    Except PDL or any type of laser, I mostly tried everything, every cream, diet, even fasting. I don't smoke, very healthy, doing jogging five times a week, training, 5'11, 168lbs. No smoke, no junk foods. Fish oil omega 3, green thea, black thea, everything. Didn't do a thing.

    I won't lie that my 20s ending next July, were pretty hell on earth. Its a little better now because after 25, you feel less the crazy explosion flushing. But the permanent redness is there and I feel damages have been done until my death. The worse is on the psychological effect. Even if I can work and feel lucid and rational, there is mark and a real deep wound that will never go away.
    The first years were horrible since the flushing was constant. Any social event, meeting, shower, running, putting you're shoes on, masturbation (no joke), the sun, the cold, anxiety, hot room, metro, crowded place, hot drinks, alcohol, shaving, were triggering the heat. It was crazy and in you're mind every second. Its taking hours before going away and you are still stuck with it 24 hours a day. Its invading you're mind like being brainwash, you even fear mirrors, cannot concentrate properly, and you're praying every minute while being with people that the heat won't start or getting worse. The only good time is when you sleep.

    I won't waste my time talking about love and social relationship but back than, I became really boiling inside. There is always someone telling you if you're feel hot or how bad was the sun today? It never stopped. You feel first completely out of control of you're life. There is shame, anger, questions and no answers. Mostly in all those years, I felt desperation and oh man, bad toughs are going like a train in you're mind.
    And even if someone nice or yourself is saying "Forget it, live with it," everything and I mean everything is giving you back the tough of it in every situation. I was not in the adult world yet. When you are 17-20, people are dumb, impulsive, they don't give a **** about feeling or anything. I even gave a nearly death threat to someone.
    I isolated a lot, drink alone like a maniac. I consulted once but I felt it was just the same bull**** (not saying its a bad thing, I know it can help a lot of people and I encourage you to do it).

    I even quit university years later, not just because of that, but along with many other factors, one being the accumulation of this constant, dark depression, lost of any power in me. This condition is really taking out you're vitality and without the support of a love that is near you or calling you, you just lost the motivation. You want everything to end.

    I won't talk about my life today. Like I said, I am 29, still stuck with that. I kind of let go for some years. I am just tired to the point of not even searching or trying again. I tried meditation, it helped a little, but there are scars in a time that should have been dreams and joy, that are just there. I look to the future, try to forget the past, not that easy since its what you know about the world and life. You only know bad days and bad weeks. Its make you something, construct you're identity.
    I tried to just let it go. Sometimes I remember when I was a happy kid, than I this blackout came out. Pain can change someone.

    What is hard, is that I really felt I couldn't do anything. I changed my mindset and my behavior. I became very open, funny and gentle with everyone. But being in this world of competition, greed and narcissism, I saw I didn't have my place and I was more annoying than anything else. Indifference mostly was the general feeling. You can be the most honest, loyal, and nice person in the world, if the girl you are interest in doesn't feel anything (and there are ten guys with a white no red and beautiful face around you), even charm and seduction has no power over this condition.

    Now, at least being a very cultural and thinker guy (I read a lot in these twelve years, write and became good at conversations and philosophy), I can have some good relations with wiser and interesting people, but that's it. Its just temporary friendship. I really miss good times that I never get or relations that were never possible. And I don't lie. I cannot invent a life that I didn't have or talking about relations or good moments that didn't happen. Again, you feel cheated but also, there is a shame about you that destroy you're confidence and fate about everything in this world.

    I will just say to find something that you love, that can become you're island. It could a project. And just let it go. Try a more Buddhist way of not feeling any ego or attachment to yourself. I know its hard, I could not do that until I became very free and more older. I know its impossible when you are young and everything around you is about the look. But try. I am focusing on being calm because hate, pain and anger destroyed too much.

    Thank you for this, I am happy to know I am not the only one and there are nice people here.

    Thank you so much for this post. I can totally relate to everything you've spoken of and the frustrations of people who do not understand this condition..Finding something you enjoy is definitely the best way to cope as when your mind is taken off of the rosacea you even start to forget you have it, even if it's just for a little while.

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