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Thread: Critical relatives

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    Default Critical relatives

    My relatives, or more specifically relatives who go long periods of time without seeing me, are often very critical of my skin's appearance. I recently had a relative who is very mindful of her appearance tell my skin looks awful and ask why I neglect to treat my skin. And to think I thought my skin had recently been looking decent. Does anyone else have relatives who are very critical of the appearance of your skin?

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    My sister's the same way. It's awful.

    You might want to do what I did; tell her gently and repeatedly that you have rosacea, and then look online for some of the worst rosacea photographs you can find and email them to her. With a brief note saying this is what you've got, and negative comments about it, or about your appearance, are not helpful.

    Then, if she does it again, in person, practice saying the same thing. "I'm doing the best I can with this disorder, and your negative comments don't help anything, they just make me want to hide under a rock. Could you please stop it?"

    Nothing like asking directly and kindly for what you want, need, and expect from folks.

    Keep us posted!

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    Thanks, WrinkledClue. I like your strategy for dealing with critical family members. Inwardly, I'm always thinking negative things about my skin, so it doesn't help when others confirm that I look bad. I might have to try that approach the next time a friend or family member makes a negative remark about my skin.

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    Junior Member Meltdown's Avatar
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    I'd really just tell them to stop being so superficial. Just tell them you have a skin problem, and they should understand. And if they don't...well, then they're really superficial, and you shouldn't concern yourself with what they think.

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    Senior Member Erikson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by rosaceastriken View Post
    My relatives, or more specifically relatives who go long periods of time without seeing me, are often very critical of my skin's appearance. I recently had a relative who is very mindful of her appearance tell my skin looks awful and ask why I neglect to treat my skin. And to think I thought my skin had recently been looking decent. Does anyone else have relatives who are very critical of the appearance of your skin?
    OMG!!! WTF!!!

    I'm sorry but that made sooo upset, how could someone be soooo rude!!!??

    I would kill them!!!!
    31 year old male from Puerto Rico
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    Senior Member Erikson's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by WrinkledClue View Post
    My sister's the same way. It's awful.

    You might want to do what I did; tell her gently and repeatedly that you have rosacea, and then look online for some of the worst rosacea photographs you can find and email them to her. With a brief note saying this is what you've got, and negative comments about it, or about your appearance, are not helpful.

    Then, if she does it again, in person, practice saying the same thing. "I'm doing the best I can with this disorder, and your negative comments don't help anything, they just make me want to hide under a rock. Could you please stop it?"

    Nothing like asking directly and kindly for what you want, need, and expect from folks.

    Keep us posted!
    That's an excellent way to deal with it, thanks for the suggestion
    31 year old male from Puerto Rico
    Skin type: oily

    Clinique Mild Liquid Soap
    Clinique Instant Mineral Relief Powder
    Clinique Almost Powder Makeup SPF 15
    Metrogel 1%
    DERMAdoctor Acne Control Serum
    DERMAdoctor Born to be Mild for seb derm
    SOLODYN 65mg:
    Supplements
    Digestive Enzymes Veggie caps
    Probiotic 60 Billion
    Zinc
    Selenium
    Dry Vitamin E
    Vitamin D

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    Default Appalling.

    Quote Originally Posted by rosaceastriken View Post
    My relatives, or more specifically relatives who go long periods of time without seeing me, are often very critical of my skin's appearance. I recently had a relative who is very mindful of her appearance tell my skin looks awful and ask why I neglect to treat my skin. And to think I thought my skin had recently been looking decent. Does anyone else have relatives who are very critical of the appearance of your skin?
    I am so sorry you have to put up with unsupportive, rude relations.

    Wow. First of all, it's none of her business, and you have every right to tell her so - politely, of course, so that you don't sink to the same level of rudeness and can feel good about how you maintained your manners.

    Secondly, if it were me, I would have feigned a very shocked look and said, in all seriousness, "What a terrible thing to say!" Then walked away.

    At least, I'd like to think that's what I would have done.

    But in all sincerity, it is truly none of her business. If she were to ask what's going on, with some sense of concern for you, that would be different. But she's just exploiting you to try and elevate herself, which is unacceptable. She is being plain rude, and doesn't deserve any explanations from you. You are dealing with a health condition, and she is trying to cause you undue stress. Walk away, don't explain, don't help her undermine your self-esteem.

    Hope it gets better for you.
    Types I, II, IV - mild to moderate, depending ...

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    Quote Originally Posted by WrinkledClue View Post
    My sister's the same way. It's awful.

    You might want to do what I did; tell her gently and repeatedly that you have rosacea, and then look online for some of the worst rosacea photographs you can find and email them to her. With a brief note saying this is what you've got, and negative comments about it, or about your appearance, are not helpful.

    Then, if she does it again, in person, practice saying the same thing. "I'm doing the best I can with this disorder, and your negative comments don't help anything, they just make me want to hide under a rock. Could you please stop it?"

    Nothing like asking directly and kindly for what you want, need, and expect from folks.

    Keep us posted!
    This is what I would do.....this relative needs to be educated about rosacea....heck most all people do as they have no idea about skin diseases and the physical + emotional pain they cause. Please do this.....also if this person STILL doesn't get it by sending the info + photos....I would try to in person explain it.....this really isn't about this person but rather getting it out there that rosacea is a serious life altering chronic disease.....so it's worth giving it your best try IMO.

    Anyone see that silly new commerical about rosacea? they tell you to get the facts by going to rosaceafacts.com and you can play the silly commerical there. I didn't like it as it didn't show the different stages of this disease.....and different types and so on....no full face up close shots of red flushing faces....didn't explain how painful it is physically for some suffers in the mod to severe types.....and it didn't show on the side of the screen the long list of triggers to be avoided! It should have been scrolling down the screen on the side during the entire thing and at the end they should have said the list still wasn't complete! Medical grade/quality photos should have been used...stills to show rosacea in all it's glory. Also they should have done a segment on how to behave if you encounter someone with this skin disease.
    Dx 1998

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    Default Re: Critical relatives and rosacea

    Hi,

    It's a shame that looks are judged so quickly and mindlessly.

    You know the saying "Beauty is only skin deep?"

    Well, it is.

    It's too bad most of the medical professionals in this country don't take skin diseases more seriously, or there would be cures for the common ones, like Acne and Rosacea by now, right? Why do so many dermatologists, health professionals and pharmaceutical company representatives see these things as money-making opportunities?

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