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Thread: Suicidal Thoughts

  1. #1
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    Default Suicidal Thoughts

    Hi all. It's a little bit comforting to know that I'm not the only one who has both SD and Rosacea.

    It's a daily fight to try and look normal again, which seems like a distant memory.

    Here's my story:

    I've been suffering from SD and Rosacea starting at the age of 18, before that I just suffered from acne and sensitive skin.

    This is how SD was introduced into my life: I was joking around with a relative and she got mad at me and sprayed me with RAID insect killer and it got on my face. I quickly rinsed it off in the shower but it was too late b/c the next day my face was full of hives and weeping pus that lasted about 8 months! (It was a very ugly period in my life and I got no play from the ladies, prior to that I was never without a gf.) When it cleared I was left with severely oily skin and flakes/crusting and pimples but not too severe. (I've always had slightly oily skin and a few pimples on and off again since age 13.)

    My skin got progressively worst in my mid 20's and it started to get inflamed and burn with redness. I turned into a hermit as a result. People I worked with joked how ugly I was (college kids). A co-worker even nicknamed me CRUSTY lol! I couldn't even get girls to speak to me. I was a hot lonely mess with no friends. I took a job delivering newspapers to avoid people but security guards still managed to make jokes on how ugly I looked. That whole time I tried every product on the market and visited many derms which were the biggest waste of money I ever spent b/c I had no insurance.

    Suicidal thoughts plagued me from the severe lonliness but I stayed strong. I got on my knees and passionately prayed to God with tears pouring out to please rid me of this horrible skin condition and bring friends into my life. Shortly after that I got strep throat (a blessing in disguise) and went to emergancy where they gave me a shot and heavy antibiotics. I also tried Neutrogena Deep clean while I was on the antibiotics and miraculously my condition completely cleared 100%! My smooth tanned skin came back.

    Next thing you know people started commenting on how nice looking I was and girls started talking to me again and smiling at me. I felt I never looked better. My confidence built back up and I started dating again and eventually got engaged to a really pretty gal. I even managed to get a good job and was promoted to management. I bought a beautiful house, a Lexus sports car and threw house parties. I had friends coming from everywhere. My life did a 180 deg turn and I was the happiest I had ever been in my life but not for too long.

    I had ONE FEAR....SD and rosacea coming back and turning me back into a freak and ruining my life. I figured if it did I would just commit suicide b/c I could not go through that emotional pain, turmoil and lonliness again. The SD came back with VENGANCE and totally transformed my once handsome face back into a crusty, greasy, red, inflamed, and pimply mess all over again. It was like white sand was embedded in my pores that made my skin look dry and I had to scrub like hell to get that crust out which left huge ugly pores and red, greasy and inflamed skin. My skin even came thicker and made it look like my nose got bigger with huge ugly pores, horrible to say the least. I looked like night and day compared to before. My ex fiancee started calling me a freak, ugly, stopped having sex with me and said she wasn't attracted to me anymore. She cheated on me in my house and left me to go back to her parents in NC. I was now alone in my big house in a state where I had no family ( I was transferred to a new state with my then job). The friends I thought I had at work stopped talking to me, other managers ridiculed me and I ended up losing my job. I had to sell the house and move back to my home state with a relative that took me in.

    I lost everything and was back to square one again, an ugly lonely hermit, this time unemployed for almost 3 years with absolutely no life with a computer as my best friend and movies to pass my time along with a mirror to stare into a mirror praying for a miracle from trying new products. I've always had an obsession with my skin since the teenage acne days but I now have a severe obsession with my skin that has me thinking about it 24/7 which has in a way crippled me. I was also just diagnosed with Glacoma in one eye to make things worst which is easily treated with drops though. Suicidal thoughts plague my mind. How can anyone live like this? My g-ma and mom even said they are embarrased by me. I was told I should leave but I'm allowed to stay here b/c she has pity for me.

    I ended up getting a local job after a minor break from this skin condtion a few years ago and even another gf but ended up quitting it after 5 mos b/c the condition came back with vengance again. My then gf commented on how I looked like a monster (when the SD came back), we ended up breaking up. One lady that I worked with said I look "much older" than my age on my birthday which was only 31 then (34 now) thanks to this skin condition which makes me look like a crusty dude. Another old lady had other coworkers laughing at me when she commented that a 54 yr old coworker lady looked younger than me. One time I got dressed up really nice and a lady coworker said, "We can dress him up but we can't take him out." I couldn't take the disrespect and shunning anymore so I had to quit that job. I had planned on going to a hotel out of town to take my life. I went to the hotel but I couldn't do it. I figured there has got to be another way to beat this ugly skin condition. Not just ugly but the painful burning.

    I thought maybe b/c I was washing my hair everyday and taking too many showers were causing the problems so I grew my hair out and started taking baths instead of showers and less frequent. This worked for a little while and calmed down my symptoms but SD and Rosacea came back wit venagance AGAIN DAMMIT!

    I think I've lost hope but I'm not brave enough to take my life and it's against my faith. I pray often and hope for another miracle like last time but no peace has come to my face yet. I signed up for school again to try and make something out of my life but I fear total rejection from college classmates. I decided to take 3 web classes but 1 regualar class to get me out in public again. I'll probaly cancel that class b/c my skin is severe again. I live in a state of liminality and fear now. Funny thing is I've never taken a drug or even smoked in my life and don't drink.

    My fear is that I'll end up another homeless bum on the streets, honestly I rather take my life than be further humiliated like that. It's sad b/c my dad took his life and my brother tried to take his life but ended up dieing of an anyurism at age 30. It's like a curse was bestowed on my family from my dad's suicide. My mom was even almost killed at the hands of college school mate in the late 80's, she survived though and turned her life around for the positive. Also, a family friend who was having a tough time in life just killed himself a couple months ago at the age of 46 b/c he too had no hope in life (different problems).

    Seems like there has to be a way for me to be triumphant again. I won't give up hope and faith in God. Sorry for the long story but this disease has ruined my life and turned a once handsome popular man into a loser freak show. It all sounds pretty crazy and hilarious but true. Life is a b*tch! I really can't complain when I think of kids gettting cancer and other unfortunate people getting diseases and suffering. I truly believe we live in hell. Seems like evil always prevails as satan is the Prince of the Earth according to the bible and he's trying to take my soul.

    I'll stay strong though...

    I pray nobody else has had it this bad. Some of you will say see a psychologist. I have and they are no help. I tell myself everyday to care less of what people think of you and that you don't need a woman or friends in my life to make me happy but then the lonliness sets in and the truth becomes reality. Fears run across my mind like never getting married, being alone and end up another homeless person with a story to tell of how I used to be goodlooking and successful.

    Maybe God has a better plan for me.....

    -Hopeless
    OK I'll Man Up!

  2. #2
    Moderator phlika29's Avatar
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    Hi Hopeless

    I am sorry that this is making you feel so bad. I tend to think that if the depression relates directly to the condition of the skin we don't react in the same way to counseling. What we are really after is for the condition to go away. Having said that some people get great help from this type of therapy, especially when they tackle how we react to our skin. I would suggest that just because one style of psychology didnt help that another type of talking therapy wont.

    You dont really mention what type of treatments you have tried? have you been to see a derm? could you not go back on the antibiotics again if they worked well the first time?

    Best wishes

    Sarah

  3. #3
    Moderator Melissa W's Avatar
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    Hi Hopeless,

    How terrible that your own family has acted in this egregious way towards you. That is truly inexcusable. However, it more reflects on their character. Their behavior is sick. I am so sorry you have to deal with this on top of your health/skin issues. How difficult a time you are going through but I am relieved that you are determined to find help and be strong because I know you can come through this. Better and stronger than ever and you can be happy again.

    So, the question is, what can you do to improve your skin and to that end if you could answer Sarah's questions we have a place to start.

    1. What treatments have you tried that have been successful?
    2. What treatments have you tried that have worsened your condition?
    3. What specialists/doctors have you seen?
    4. Do you have any friends/family who unconditionally accept and love you that you can turn to for support?

    There is so much info here regarding seb derm and rosacea that it can be overwhelming to a person just coming here looking for info so here is a good place to begin:

    http://www.rosaceagroup.org/The_Rosa...ad.php?t=15978

    http://www.rosacea-research.org/wiki...itle=Main_Page

    Hang in there. We will be here for you so you are not alone.

    Best wishes,
    Melissa

    ps I understand how you feel about the psycholgist/psychiatry issue but there are meds that can do double duty in treating your rosacea and depression so definitely worth considering. Plus, I think talking to a professional (or even a trusted loved one if there is someone in your life like that) can make all the difference. It helps clear your mind of the clutter and noise and can make you feel better about issues and life in general. Despite what is going on. Just a thought. We can help you with getting your conditions under control and a therapist can help you feel better no matter how your skin might be looking at the moment. Something to consider as tools for coping with life's twists and turns.

  4. #4
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    A norwegian band with a song and video about skin rash. Actually it has become a hit around Europe.

    Donkeyboy - Ambitions:


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    Thanks for the reply Melissa and Sarah.

    My treatments (I've done so many I forgot a great deal of them):
    1. I've been to MANY Dermatologists and most of them prescribe the same meds.They are only good for perscriptions. They almost always recommend Metro Gel, topicals steroids, tetracycline, and Elidel (Dr said it could be Eczema). These products just made the condition worst. Antibiotics don't even work anymore, if they do it's short lived and I hate taking meds anyways.

    Products I've tried at home after doing internet research:
    Prosacea, Dermarest, Neutrogena Deep and Clean (Worked for a few years!), Nizoral shampoo (Worked for several months), Head and Shoulders shampoo on the face, Skin moinsturizers(20 or more, too many to list), Apple Cider Vineger (both topical and injested), washing with water only (Actually worked for a few months!), Many different face washes (too many to list), Oatmeal, ZNP bar (dries the skin out bad), Purpose Redness relief (Worked good but faded after a while and the product has been discontinued), Witchazel, Bufpufs, Neutrogena Healthy Skin rejuvenator (To remove crust from pores. This worked good for a few months than redness got worst), Eucerin redness relief products (They all sucked), Antibiotics: tetracycline, Amoxcillin, Keflex (High dose eliminated all skin problems). Drink TONS of water and pee all day. I have tried to alter my diet but it doesn't work. I don't drink milk anymore, this helped a little. I try to avoid sweets and wheat but it's hard.
    Many many more that I just can't remember now.

    The catch 22 for me has been removing "white sand" that embeds in my pores ALL OVER my face except my temples and chin. Anyway I remove it my face gets inflamed and turns red and sometimes will break out in a bump or two . Methods I've used trying to remove this pore clogging crap : Cottonballs (Turns cotton to yellow), Fingernail scrubbing under shower, underwater scrub with fingernails (in tub), toilet paper, buff puff singles, buf puff (worked good for a couple years in my 20's), Pore sucker (bought on tv), Neutrogena Healthy skin rejuvenator, Biore Pore Strips (leaves BIG inflamed pores), clay face masks, several face masks, Face steamer, washcloth (=break out), many more....

    I don't use a towel to dry my face anymore, just let it air dry. This helps keep my face from breaking out. I also change my pillowcases everyday and use fragrance/dye free detergent.

    As far as my family goes, most live in another state. They don't even realize what they say. They love me but are tired of hearing the same old song....my skin condition...my skin condition.... I'm tired of singing it too lol. They say just go out and live b/c life is too short. I do, I've taken trips by myself, play golf by myself, go out to eat by myself, ride my bike by myself, cruise in my car by myself..........do EVERYTHING by myself lol. Doing stuff by yourself is a lonlely life. When I was engaged I was very romantic and took weekend trips with my ex and had a real blast, life was good. Life is sh*t now LOL! When I was a kid we used to laugh at losers like me haha. I never thought I would be the loser, especially since I was the cute popular kid who always had a pretty girl on his arm. Life can sure alter your life lol. You almost have to laugh at yourself to stay sane.

    As far as psychological treaments go, I've read self-help books dealing with BDD, insecurity and other motivational tapes and books. I've read Joel Osteen's 'Your Best Life Now' Book. I was put into the hospital for a night when I my ex fiancee broke up with me. I thought I had problems until I went in there, sheesh! One guy lost everything and was diagnosed with incurable diseases, he said all he wanted to do was put a gun to his head and pull the trigger. If you met this guy you would think he was the life of the party. I felt like my problem was nothing compared to his. They offered me drugs to calm me down but I refuse to take psycho meds or any other kind of drug, excersing keeps me from feeling down. I'm very health conscious and workout often, at least I can keep my body looking good. I take my agression out on the weights, I used to put up 300lbs on the bench regularly.


    I may try another psychologist but what is the point if it's not going to gain me a girlfriend, friends and a life. Research has shown that employers are reluctant to hire people with rosacea or apparent skin problems. Women generally want an attractive man even if they're not considered attractive, the world is really based on looks. Nobody wants someone ugly dude lol. People put their head down when they walk by, don't asnwer when you say hi. Nobody pays attention to you. I'm a very rational person and study people, people are attracted to attractive people. I'm only attractive when it goes away, but when it comes back watch out....the monster returns lol. It's not as bad as many people I 've seen with rosacea and SD so I guess it could always be worst. I have to be somewhat grateful.

    The tough part to deal with is that when my condition clears up people say I'm handsome. When it comes back I'm a freak or homely. I put pictures of me when I'm clear up on a dating website and I get many emails from women who say I'm hot and want to date me lol. I giuess I just do it for kicks, it's nice to hear people say nice things.

    You know it doesn't seem fair but whoever said life was fair? I'm still young, 34, and wasting my life.

  6. #6
    Senior Member banshee's Avatar
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    Hopeless-

    Where do I begin.

    The biggest regret I have is letting my life be dictated by fear and what I call "not living the inbetween". All the years that have passed me by in misery and despair b/c I was not living life waiting for my skin to get better.

    I struggled with cystic acne and SD as a teenager as well. As a female, I feel like there are different standards for us so it was very emotionally distressing for me. Somehow I managed it and hid it well enough, but it drained me of a lot of energy and youth.

    In my 20's, I had a "peaches and cream" complexion and I have a hard time thinking so highly of myself, but I was complimented on my appearance and folks seemed to feel I had attractiveness. So when the SD and rosacea came back in severe form, I was devastated. Like I was disappointing people not living up to their expectations and I too called myself a freak. I still joke sometimes I feel like I'm from Mars. I know rationally though that I'm not any different than someone else with a chronic illness like lupus or diabetes, and I would never label them freaks. So anyone who would call you one isn't worth feeling a loss over-but it still affects you I know. With loved ones when they are cruel to us we still love them, but personally I think you are better off without people who can not care for you beyond your conditions. These are not the kinds of relationships which will bring you peace and joy.

    Anyway, my struggles with my appearance over the years have taken me through many periods of depression and isolation. I'm angry at myself I allowed life to slip through my fingers b/c of my face and other insecurities and I refuse to do it anymore. However, I have to push myself and it's an ongoing battle.

    All the things you talk about you had-the house, the car, the job, the pretty-ex...these are obviously things outside of yourself. Imo, success in life and true happiness come from within. It's a cliche b/c it's true and I don't mean to sound like the Dhali Lama lecturing you. A lot of what I want are things "outside of myself". For i.e., I want to travel, be doing something I love for work, and finding true love is the single most important thing to me. However, it's about the experiences, following my passions, and having emotional fulfillment.

    I've spent a lot of time defining myself by how I look, the roles I have etc., to where I've learned the hard way I have to focus more on living in the moment and cultivating what makes me feel happy. My art, my creativity, making a difference in people's lives, pursuing my passions-even in the face of depression. I think that's the key to drawing into your life what you most want b/c it builds self-esteem and is reflective of who you really are. Which in turn benefits your health and your appearance. I once was about nothing other than my Rosacea and SD. I HAD to be b/c the physical symptoms were literally debilitating and the resulting emotional toll crippling. It still plagues me to find a way how to balance, improve, and manage them. Especially the SD! But I have a different primary quest now which is to find inner peace.

    I believe you can get better and it may not happen overnight, but keep looking for ways to help yourself. They're out there and it's possible to turn what feels like the sinking of the Titanic around.

    take care-
    Kristen
    My weapons :

    Aura/Lyra lasers-70+txs
    RLT (DPL)
    Modified OCM using; microfiber cloth, jojoba/safflower oil, & cool water
    Everyday Minerals
    Bare Minerals Primetime
    Linda Sy Oatmeal & Goodskin All Calm Cleanser
    Replenix Green Tea Serum
    homemade moisturizer w/dimethicone
    Ester C, NSI brand SOD
    Thera Tears supplement & PF gel drops

    "Mornie utķliŽ (darkness has come)..Believe and you will find your way.
    Mornie alantiŽ (darkness has fallen)..A promise lives within you now."

  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snegovik View Post
    A norwegian band with a song and video about skin rash. Actually it has become a hit around Europe.

    Donkeyboy - Ambitions:

    YouTube - Donkeyboy - Ambitions
    Cool song! I can defintily relate. My condition is not as apparent as some others when I have it. I wrote a paranormal romance short story a couple of years ago that is loosely based on my life. It helped me express myself.
    Last edited by phlika29; 30th August 2009 at 11:20 PM. Reason: edit at request of author

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by banshee View Post
    Hopeless-

    Where do I begin.

    The biggest regret I have is letting my life be dictated by fear and what I call "not living the inbetween". All the years that have passed me by in misery and despair b/c I was not living life waiting for my skin to get better.

    I struggled with cystic acne and SD as a teenager as well. As a female, I feel like there are different standards for us so it was very emotionally distressing for me. Somehow I managed it and hid it well enough, but it drained me of a lot of energy and youth.

    In my 20's, I had a "peaches and cream" complexion and I have a hard time thinking so highly of myself, but I was complimented on my appearance and folks seemed to feel I had attractiveness. So when the SD and rosacea came back in severe form, I was devastated. Like I was disappointing people not living up to their expectations and I too called myself a freak. I still joke sometimes I feel like I'm from Mars. I know rationally though that I'm not any different than someone else with a chronic illness like lupus or diabetes, and I would never label them freaks. So anyone who would call you one isn't worth feeling a loss over-but it still affects you I know. With loved ones when they are cruel to us we still love them, but personally I think you are better off without people who can not care for you beyond your conditions. These are not the kinds of relationships which will bring you peace and joy.

    Anyway, my struggles with my appearance over the years have taken me through many periods of depression and isolation. I'm angry at myself I allowed life to slip through my fingers b/c of my face and other insecurities and I refuse to do it anymore. However, I have to push myself and it's an ongoing battle.

    All the things you talk about you had-the house, the car, the job, the pretty-ex...these are obviously things outside of yourself. Imo, success in life and true happiness come from within. It's a cliche b/c it's true and I don't mean to sound like the Dhali Lama lecturing you. A lot of what I want are things "outside of myself". For i.e., I want to travel, be doing something I love for work, and finding true love is the single most important thing to me. However, it's about the experiences, following my passions, and having emotional fulfillment.

    I've spent a lot of time defining myself by how I look, the roles I have etc., to where I've learned the hard way I have to focus more on living in the moment and cultivating what makes me feel happy. My art, my creativity, making a difference in people's lives, pursuing my passions-even in the face of depression. I think that's the key to drawing into your life what you most want b/c it builds self-esteem and is reflective of who you really are. Which in turn benefits your health and your appearance. I once was about nothing other than my Rosacea and SD. I HAD to be b/c the physical symptoms were literally debilitating and the resulting emotional toll crippling. It still plagues me to find a way how to balance, improve, and manage them. Especially the SD! But I have a different primary quest now which is to find inner peace.

    I believe you can get better and it may not happen overnight, but keep looking for ways to help yourself. They're out there and it's possible to turn what feels like the sinking of the Titanic around.

    take care-
    Kristen

    Thanks Kristen for sharing. Sounds like you can definitly relate to me. You speak the truth and that is a good mindset to have. Believe me I speak a "good game" but I always seem to fall back to where I started. I seem to thrive off of people's reaction to me. If someone is nice to me I feel better. Negative reactions make me feel bad.

    External or material things mean nothing to me. All I ever wanted was a love to call my own. I would rather be in love with a woman and live in poverty than wealthy and lonesome. My ex fiancee really did love me but my self pity started to tear her away from me. The problem was really with me being comforatble with me and my disgust looking in the mirror. In hindsight, I wish I would have gotten her pregnant and lived for the kid and stopped focusing on myself.

    I need to find peace with myself. Like they say you have to love yourself before you can love someone else, so true.

  9. #9
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    Hopeless,

    I have friends that used to just blink at a girl, and she would come. But now after loosing their hair and gaining 20 kg, have lost their self asteem. The world does not consist of attractive people only.

    Not meaning to offend any americans here, but I have more than one time been amazed by how some tourists come here and are so big that they need at least 2 seats on the train and plane. And they are wearing slim fit clothes or just a tight shorts.
    But I salut them when I see it. Good for them, and don`t give a damn about what people think. I wish the world could be more tolerant, but it is in our nature to react on abnormal things. That is why people look more strange at you when they see a red face. Try to realize that you would do the same, but that you don`t wish the person any harm.
    My impression is that americans are far more tolerant than europeans, in that matter. Accepting people for whom they are.
    Studies have shown that even small babies react different to attractive people and non-attractive. It is nature, just as with rascism. We follow instincts. And we must just accept it, and struggle to not be rude or mean to people, if they look different. Another thing you should keep in mind is that if people are rude because of your looks, it is for sure because they have a low self asteem themself. And they are on a ego trip to satisfy themself by building you down. Never let them! No normal happy person would act rude to someone with a disorder.

    As for your work, friends, ex-girls. You sure seem to have picked the wrong ones in any matter. I would advice you to adjust to your condition. As so many people do when they have diseases, me included. I decided to leave the army because of rosacea, and then again leaving a nice sales job. Not because anybody forced me, but because I did not feel well. I studied engineering because I felt it would be a safer business to be in, if my face later go really crazy. I know many people who had to adjust their life because of unexpected things that showed up.
    We are almost in the same age, and I also have been starting to think about meeting someone and create a family. As late as last week I was on a date with a girl who was looking good, but was for sure not the one I felt I could trust to explain that I struggle with Rosacea, that I look like hell sometimes in the evenings when I apply topicals on my face, or that I will maybe look like hell permanetly some day. So goodbye to her. The perfect girl is maybe a girl who have her own thing to deal with. Sometimes I wish I could meet a nice girl with Rosacea, or another skin disorder. A few years ago in Oslo, I was in a sports shop, and there was this beautiful slim tall brunette girl working there. She was a knockout, exept that it looked as if the US army dropped napalm on her cheeks and forhead. I think I have hardly seen a girl with such acne, and scars before or after. I have asked myself a million times why I was so dumb I did not ask her out on a date. And I did went back to look for her, without luck.
    There are girls also not feeling on top of the world, Hopeless. We need to adjust and find the right ones. And to realize that we may not reach the goals we had as young kids, because something unexpected popped into our lifes.
    I would stay away from the finance business, sales, show business etc, if you feel you can not handle it because of your skin. I feel a lot better when I work in a envoirement were brains is the main factor for beeing successful. My boss is so fat he struggle to go walk up the stairs after lunch, and some of the co-workers with a doctors degree dress so ugly despite their fat sallory, and have glasses thick as the bottom of a bottle of coke. Nobody cares!

    People who don`t have Rosacea usually don`t understand how it breaks you down. Year after year with this sure make an impact on the mental part of our body. If you ask people who laugh about your concern about beeing in public, to paint themself in the face, so that it look like that have Rosacea, and then go to the disco, they would probably not do it even once, without you paying them a lot of money. Then you can ask them if they can walk around like that for 10 years, every day.
    The last years I feel that derms here in Norway have focused more on the mental part, because I am offered accutane right away now, when my Rosacea is not as bad as 7-8 years ago. While it was totally out of the question before. It seem to me that they realized that people have their lifes destroyed from Rosacea. Why on earth be afraid of side effects from Accutane, Dr.Syrokomskys meds, Rifaximin or other things, if you consider to end your life because of Rosacea?
    I saw one guy here write about castration as a possible way to reduce sebum, and that is about the only thing I so far would say is out of the question.

    Realize that you have rosacea and build your life based on that. Hopefully they find a cure for this curse sometime soon. There are ways to happiness, you just need to adjust a bit now. And you still have about 30 years left working before you retire, so it is far from to late to change field of business.

  10. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by Snegovik View Post
    Hopeless,

    I have friends that used to just blink at a girl, and she would come. But now after loosing their hair and gaining 20 kg, have lost their self asteem. The world does not consist of attractive people only.

    Not meaning to offend any americans here, but I have more than one time been amazed by how some tourists come here and are so big that they need at least 2 seats on the train and plane. And they are wearing slim fit clothes or just a tight shorts.
    But I salut them when I see it. Good for them, and don`t give a damn about what people think. I wish the world could be more tolerant, but it is in our nature to react on abnormal things. That is why people look more strange at you when they see a red face. Try to realize that you would do the same, but that you don`t wish the person any harm.
    My impression is that americans are far more tolerant than europeans, in that matter. Accepting people for whom they are.
    Studies have shown that even small babies react different to attractive people and non-attractive. It is nature, just as with rascism. We follow instincts. And we must just accept it, and struggle to not be rude or mean to people, if they look different. Another thing you should keep in mind is that if people are rude because of your looks, it is for sure because they have a low self asteem themself. And they are on a ego trip to satisfy themself by building you down. Never let them! No normal happy person would act rude to someone with a disorder.

    As for your work, friends, ex-girls. You sure seem to have picked the wrong ones in any matter. I would advice you to adjust to your condition. As so many people do when they have diseases, me included. I decided to leave the army because of rosacea, and then again leaving a nice sales job. Not because anybody forced me, but because I did not feel well. I studied engineering because I felt it would be a safer business to be in, if my face later go really crazy. I know many people who had to adjust their life because of unexpected things that showed up.
    We are almost in the same age, and I also have been starting to think about meeting someone and create a family. As late as last week I was on a date with a girl who was looking good, but was for sure not the one I felt I could trust to explain that I struggle with Rosacea, that I look like hell sometimes in the evenings when I apply topicals on my face, or that I will maybe look like hell permanetly some day. So goodbye to her. The perfect girl is maybe a girl who have her own thing to deal with. Sometimes I wish I could meet a nice girl with Rosacea, or another skin disorder. A few years ago in Oslo, I was in a sports shop, and there was this beautiful slim tall brunette girl working there. She was a knockout, exept that it looked as if the US army dropped napalm on her cheeks and forhead. I think I have hardly seen a girl with such acne, and scars before or after. I have asked myself a million times why I was so dumb I did not ask her out on a date. And I did went back to look for her, without luck.
    There are girls also not feeling on top of the world, Hopeless. We need to adjust and find the right ones. And to realize that we may not reach the goals we had as young kids, because something unexpected popped into our lifes.
    I would stay away from the finance business, sales, show business etc, if you feel you can not handle it because of your skin. I feel a lot better when I work in a envoirement were brains is the main factor for beeing successful. My boss is so fat he struggle to go walk up the stairs after lunch, and some of the co-workers with a doctors degree dress so ugly despite their fat sallory, and have glasses thick as the bottom of a bottle of coke. Nobody cares!

    People who don`t have Rosacea usually don`t understand how it breaks you down. Year after year with this sure make an impact on the mental part of our body. If you ask people who laugh about your concern about beeing in public, to paint themself in the face, so that it look like that have Rosacea, and then go to the disco, they would probably not do it even once, without you paying them a lot of money. Then you can ask them if they can walk around like that for 10 years, every day.
    The last years I feel that derms here in Norway have focused more on the mental part, because I am offered accutane right away now, when my Rosacea is not as bad as 7-8 years ago. While it was totally out of the question before. It seem to me that they realized that people have their lifes destroyed from Rosacea. Why on earth be afraid of side effects from Accutane, Dr.Syrokomskys meds, Rifaximin or other things, if you consider to end your life because of Rosacea?
    I saw one guy here write about castration as a possible way to reduce sebum, and that is about the only thing I so far would say is out of the question.

    Realize that you have rosacea and build your life based on that. Hopefully they find a cure for this curse sometime soon. There are ways to happiness, you just need to adjust a bit now. And you still have about 30 years left working before you retire, so it is far from to late to change field of business.
    You have a great point Snegovik. That sounds crazy that someone would think about castrating himself to possibly rid himself of Rosacea. I'll be honest, the SD is more of my problem than Rosacea. I wish I just had Rpsacea to deal with, much easier than dealing with the plaques from SD. My ex fiancee had an acne problem, she could have been crippled and I would have cared for her. I'm just sorry I didn't keep myself in line and let her become unhappy. She would have been there for me but I was fighting within myself.

    Honestly, what is the point to life if you cannot be in a relationship with a someone? I can make a million dollars, travel around the world, play golf, do everything I love to do and still be alone and not at peace with myself. It all means nothing without someone in your life. It's just no fun for me to be alone, never has been. Another day alone is more suffering. Even making friends and haging out with friends doesn't stop the lonliness from creeping in. You can be in a crowd and still feel alone.

    If I die does it really matter anyways? We all must go sometime so why continue to suffer when your genetics have imprisioned you. The point of life is to procreate and give back. I can't do either thanks to this dreaded skin condition which turns you into a loser that creates gossip for people.

    Not only do you look bad with this crap but you feel the burning on your face, sometimes 24/7. Remission is wonderful but misearble with nobody to share my happiest time with.

    Roscea + SD = A Lonely Life
    Last edited by Hopeless; 30th August 2009 at 11:01 PM.

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