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Thread: Rosaceans interested in dating other rosaceans?

  1. #1
    Member mattamx's Avatar
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    Default Rosaceans interested in dating other rosaceans?

    Hi All,

    My name is Mitch. I'm new, and this is my first post here. Hope I'm following procedure.

    As a person who has had rosacea for 32 years I've often wished there was a way to meet other people having rosacea troubles for potential dating. Even with the internet, I've never seen this happening anywhere. I'm curious how others feel about this. Would you prefer to be with someone who's also having rosacea difficulties?

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    Mitch,
    As far as procedure, you are doing fine.
    Well, I'm married and have been with my wife for at least 10 years but for what it's worth, I wish I could give her rosacea. That way, I wouldn't be constantly pissed at her for having great skin when mine looks like crap.
    Misery loves company so we could both sit around and be pissed off about it.
    Rob

  3. #3
    Moderator Melissa W's Avatar
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    Rob,
    LOL you crack me up

    Mitch,
    I understand what you are saying and how it might be easier to be with someone who has rosacea and can therefore understand exactly what you are going through but there is one thought I would like to add. In life everyone has something (or many things) that are difficult to deal with and hardships to endure. This is different for everyone of course but what I am saying is that (as my dad has said in the past when I was a little girl and he was imparting his wisdom to me in the hopes of making me feel better) no one gets out of this life alive That has always stuck with me and it is true. If you live long enough there is crap to deal with and issues that plague you. No matter who you are, how much money you make or how beautiful your skin may be.

    So, in your search for your soul mate I would like you to hold on to that thought as it is difficult enough to find someone who is your perfect match so no need to add any restrictions in finding that perfect person for you. It doesn't matter if they have rosacea, or blue eyes or is a certain height...you get the point. What matters is that they are right for you. That they have compassion, kindness, humor, intelligence, sensitivity, passion etc.. That they love you for you and that you love them for them.

    I hope you do not take offense at my sharing these thoughts with you. They are coming from my heart. When I was younger I always had a "type" I was attracted to dark haired tall men with dark eyes. I found my soul mate 9 years ago and he has green eyes and blonde hair LOL and is 5' 10" (average height)so there you go. There is no way to predict who will be your true love by superficial characteristics...which is what I consider rosacea to be appearance wise. Superficial. And while the pain it can cause is not superficial by any means we all have our demons that we are dealng with so when you find that right person for you they will understand what you are going through for sure. And they do not need to have rosacea to "get it" if you know what I mean.

    Best of luck to you and welcome to the forum!!
    Melissa
    Last edited by Melissa W; 14th November 2008 at 12:53 PM. Reason: misspelled word

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    Senior Member J-Mill's Avatar
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    Default No, for one reason

    Quote Originally Posted by mattamx View Post
    Hi All,

    My name is Mitch. I'm new, and this is my first post here. Hope I'm following procedure.

    As a person who has had rosacea for 32 years I've often wished there was a way to meet other people having rosacea troubles for potential dating. Even with the internet, I've never seen this happening anywhere. I'm curious how others feel about this. Would you prefer to be with someone who's also having rosacea difficulties?
    I think it is a double edged sword. You would either have a relationship full of empathy but equally likely you could just feed off each other's frustration/depression and make the social impact worse than it already is.

    Still it would give the web site lavalife a whole new meaning.
    "Get busy living or get busy dying."

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    Moderator phlika29's Avatar
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    I tend to think it would make me worse.

    I work with someone who blushes easily and most of the time when we talk to each other if he blushes then I blush and if I blush then he blushes (i know not quite the same thing but you get my drift). The only way we can converse if about 10 ft away from each other looking into the middle distance.

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    Moderator Melissa W's Avatar
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    Lucky you don't work in NYC as there is not that much space here to stand 10 feet from people

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    Quote Originally Posted by phlika29 View Post
    I tend to think it would make me worse.

    I work with someone who blushes easily and most of the time when we talk to each other if he blushes then I blush and if I blush then he blushes (i know not quite the same thing but you get my drift). The only way we can converse if about 10 ft away from each other looking into the middle distance.

    Sex would be out of the question then- unless of course 10ft was no problem.

  8. #8
    Member mattamx's Avatar
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    Default ros dating

    Thanks for your thoughtful replies. I like it here. In the mini world of rosacea, where there is just an amazing amount of BS, this place has, I believe, real people with honorable motives. The support you guys supply is beyond the call.

    I think the general idea I'm hearing is that a rosacean should carry on as anyone else would. Pretend we're normal or ignore that we're not normal. Seeking a fellow rosacean as a partner is a bit taboo. Is seen as caving in, or maybe being being weak. I'm not certain I agree with these ideas. I desire finding a rosacean partner. I think it would be healthy for me. A rosacean is the only one who can truly know what a rosacean goes through. I think that the only time I could truly be at absolute ease with myself would be when with a rosacean. Let's face it, we are not the same as everyone else. There's not a day in our lives that most of don't have to deal what this disorder dishes out. I've been doing it since I was 16 years old, 32 years ago. We all know it runs our lives. Rosacea has a major say in the people we know, the jobs we have, where we live, what we do for recreation, everything. Now, I can honestly say that I do not want to be at any station in life, other than where I presently am. But, all other things being equal, I also know that I would be somewhere else, with other people, with a different job, ect. had rosacea not entered my life. I rarely think about this, but when I do, I sometimes get "Twighlight Zone" chills. Having said all of this, I want to point out that since I've begun to get a little bit older, I'm believing the rosacea may be there for a reason, for me. It really may have saved my life. All the years that I was angry because the rosacea stopped me from doing this, or stopped me from becoming that, or if only I didn't have the rosacea I'd really have it made. It has slowly dawned on me, that the rosacea probably saved me from a life of great excesses. Excessive drinking, drugs, probably failed relationships, ect. Maybe has saved me from misery beyond the misery of the rosacea itself. I firmly believe this, now.

    What's all this drivel have to do with rosacea dating? Well, I feel like I've earned the right to be around someone I'm comfortable being around. In my past relationships, the most recent one was for 14 years, I ended up with my girlfriends in roundabout ways. They were able to look past the rosacea, but it was never talked about because it has always been too hard for me. The only reason I can talk about what I'm talking about now is because I know most people who see this are going to be like me. I'm out there trying to internet date right now, after 15 years of not dating, and it is so hard. It's hard being older, but with the rosacea, OMG! The women at the dating sites can't see the rosacea in the photographs, and they are real bona fide untouched photos. I have had some really strong interactions with a couple of women, but then I bog down at the "meeting in person" step. I hate to say it, but it scares me. I don't know if I should prepare them ahead of time. If I should bring it into the conversation after we meet? Not say anything at all? Is it fair to even do this to the other party? Maybe it's a misrepresentation. It would be so much easier and fair to be able to find a rosacean to partner with. But I guess there's nothing fair about this affliction.

    I don't know. I'm not expecting solutions from anyone. Just talking about it for the first time in my life, will help me. Thanks for providing the forum to do so.

    Mitch

  9. #9
    Moderator Melissa W's Avatar
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    Hi Mitch,

    What's normal LOL. Everyone has something that's quirky or weird or different so I do not see rosacea as making us abnormal. I am a normal person with a disease called rosacea. That's how I see it, but that is not what I was talking about anyway. What I am saying is that since it is so hard to find someone you click with and want to spend the rest of your life with in the first place why add requirements. That's all I meant. If you happen to fall in love with a rosacean that's great then but I don't think it should be a requirement. I do not see it as caving in though or anything like that if you do fall in love with a rosacean. Not at all. And certainly not taboo...though that thought does romanticize the whole idea

    Yes we have all made certain changes and adaptations with regards to having rosacea but I do not find it has changed who I am as a person or what I like to do etc. I don't pretend I don't have rosacea though. I am upfront about it when I need to be and I do not hide it.

    I do agree with you that it is ultra important to be comfortable around people and especially that person you want to spend the rest of your life with but it is also important to be able to communicate with that person and not be embarrassed or uncomfortable about your rosacea around your significant other. It sounds as if you were not able to do that with your past girlfriends and that is a problem. Communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. I understand what you are saying in that you feel you will be able to be open and free with someone who has rosacea and that is great but will you be a good communicator about everything or is this something that you find difficult to do.

    I do disagree that only a rosacean can understand what we are going through. My husband sees what I go through on a daily basis and totally "gets it" He really does. He is there holding my hand through the very worst of it like at the doctor's office that is too warm and my face is bright red and burning horribly. He does whatever he can to provide relief for me. He is there for me at my very worst and he absolutely understands how I am feeling about rosacea and what I am going through. A partner can be supportive and understanding and get it even if they do not have rosacea themselves IMO. It is empathy that enables this to be so. I do agree that other people do not get it. My parents, my sister, brother in law, aunt, uncle and my friends for example. They see me and when my face looks fine they do not understand the trauma that rosacea can bring. When I am flushing they do not really understand that it is the burning that is so awful even though I have explained it numerous times. They do not see me on a daily basis though so I can understand why they do not fully comprehend what I am going through.
    It can be trying but at least I know my husband does truly understand. And I guess that is what you are looking for and rightly deserve. All I am saying is that you can find that in a non rosacean but it has to be the right person regardless of whether they have rosacea or not. Not everyone is sensitive, empathetic and highly evolved

    It is good that you feel rosacea has brought perhaps some good things to you and I also tend to agree that things happen for a reason (usually, not always) and that you can find some positive in even a negative situation. So kudos for you for seeing the good in what rosacea has meant for you. You should be able to find someone with whom you are totally at ease and can be your true self. I guess I do not define myself as a rosacean first but instead I still see me as me (as I was before rosacea) but now I have a disease called rosacea that does affect me every day but I do not let it affect my quality of life. I still do the things I did before rosacea that I did not want to give up and the stuff that was unimportant to me I did give up. Alcohol, spicy foods, etc I had no problem (well maybe a little ) giving up. Other things though that I love I still do like cycling, running, dancing etc. In other words rosacea has not changed me or my hobbies per se but instead I adapted as best I can to allow myself to do the things I love to do. I am not pretending I do not have rosacea at all. Quite the contrary I have been able to continue to do these things because I have accepted I have it and changed conditions that I needed to change as best I could to be able to enjoy these activities.

    Knowing who you are and what you need and want is the first step in finding the right relationship so it sounds like you do know and you should follow your heart. All we are doing is relating our personal experiences to your situation which is just that. Unique and personal and different for everyone. Just like our rosacea and its treatments

    I wish you all the best in finding that special someone and if there is any matchmaking to do I would be happy to do it because I love a good love story and happy endings!

    Best wishes,
    Melissa

  10. #10
    Senior Member queta's Avatar
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    Default Dating rosacea partner

    Quote Originally Posted by mattamx View Post
    Hi All,

    My name is Mitch. I'm new, and this is my first post here. Hope I'm following procedure.

    As a person who has had rosacea for 32 years I've often wished there was a way to meet other people having rosacea troubles for potential dating. Even with the internet, I've never seen this happening anywhere. I'm curious how others feel about this. Would you prefer to be with someone who's also having rosacea difficulties?
    Hi Mitch
    I understand what you're saying. It might be nice to find someone with rosacea, but it might also work to find someone else who struggles with feeling a little less than confident about their appearance. I know that when I was in high school and very insecure about my looks, I dated a guy who had bad acne. It didn't bother me because I knew that I was far from perfect as well and I knew he loved me and accepted me. So I think that if you really are looking for love you might want to try to date girls who are a little less traditionally attractive and can probably relate better when you're feeling down in the dumps about your looks. It worked for me when my rosacea was at its worst.

    I also wanted to mention that Walgreens brand zinc oxide sunscreen in the round jar (about $5 per jar) really helps my flushing and seems to heal my skin. It takes a little while to sink in but it works quite well for me. The next day after I use it my skin feels so soft and smooth to the touch. Another thing that has helped me with flushing is red light therapy. Might want to check it out if you're interested.

    Good luck to you,
    Queta

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