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Thread: Bad days

  1. #1
    Junior Member darild's Avatar
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    Default Bad days

    It's amazing. I've been dealing with this condition for nearly 20 years and still one bad look in the mirror can set off a full-out funk. Itís like all of a sudden nothing matters. Your job, family, spouse, things I need to do ... it all goes out the window and all I can think about is why me! I know I am not alone in this thinking. Iíve read plenty of posts dealing with the depression and anxiety that Rosacea can cause. I just want to know what some people do to help avoid these funks or how to quickly get out of them.

    I am not sure this is the right category, but feel free to move it to the right place.
    Derek

  2. #2
    Moderator Melissa W's Avatar
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    Hi Derek,

    I am sorry you are having a rough patch.
    You are right though. We all go through this one time or another..and another.
    For me I just find it best when I get down about my rosacea to focus on what makes me happy. My husband, my cats, my life. I find it helps to do something I enjoy to take my mind off my rosacea like watch a movie, read a good book, listen to some great music, go bicycling etc. Sometimes a big bowl of popcorn and a classic horror film do wonders.

    And if that doesn't work some Chet Baker (Sarah Vaughn) songs will snap you right out of it. A good cry while listening to some sad music really helps!

    HTH and hang in there. The good thing about a funk is that it always passes and everything does get better.

    Hugs,
    Melissa

  3. #3
    Moderator Melissa W's Avatar
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    PS I too couldn't figure out the best place to put this thread so for now I placed it in similar and coexisting conditions. As we know, sadness about our rosacea and depression certainly coexists in many people with rosacea so that's my rationale. Feel free to let me know if you think it belongs elsewhere. I avoided the general rosacea category as that tends to be a catch all for all the topics that don't fit anywhere else.

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    Hi Derek,

    I can relate to what you're saying too. I think Melissa's right about trying to focus on what really matters to you, and just doing things that make you happy. I used to be driven by the need to try and "solve" my rosacea, and everytime it got worse, I spent more time reading about it, looking up products, thinking about diets etc. etc. - all of which made me feel much worse. I have eventually realized that I'm better off trying to distract myself, planning days out or holidays or watching films,or playing the piano - basically doing anything absorbing enough to take my mind off it. Sometimes cleaning the house will do - after all, it can't make me feel any worse.

    Another approach which can help if you're a negative kind of person like me (!) is to think of how much worse things could be. If I sit down and think about all the people I know who have far worse conditions than rosacea, or who don't have the support from others that I have, then it really does - and sorry, I know this is a bit of a cliche - make me count my blessings.

    My goal - sadly I'm not there yet! - is to get to the point where I can think "Okay, my skin is terrible today, but my skin is not the whole of my life, and I'm going to be happy anyway". I find that if I focus my hopes on improving my outlook or resilience, rather than my skin, then I do feel a bit more in control.

    I should also add that I've found many of Melissa's posts on this website more helpful than I can say - quite inspirational, in fact, when I've felt depressed. This forum generally reminds me that I'm not alone in this, that everyone has ups and downs, and that the downs don't last forever.

    Best wishes,
    Kristina

  5. #5
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    Taking care of your body helps.Forget rosacea and see how do you feel yourself. Forget the redness and pimples and feel your body. If you feel that youre fat or dizzy after wakeing up in the morning, or your stomach hurts maybe, deal with it, make you feel better.When you feel yourself great then rosacea improves. Going to walks alone in the woods or out of town somewhere, where aint other people is a good plan.Then forget rosacea and feel free, let your body free, dont hold yourself back.

    It helps me, listen to your body.

  6. #6
    Moderator Melissa W's Avatar
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    Kristina makes an excellent point regarding people who are far worse off than us. I am not downplaying having rosacea or the effects it has on everyday quality of life but just saying perspective does wonders for my mood sometimes.

    Here is an extreme example that I hesitate to share but think it makes an important if extreme point. Last weekend I was a bit upset over the fact that my face which had been clear all week developed a few p&p's. I was particularly upset as we were getting together with a colleague of Greg's and his family whom I have never met. So of course I wanted to present with my best possible face (literally LOL) and was stressed when I woke up a day or so before with those horrid p&p's ughhhh. Anyway, I covered it the best I could and turns out we had a great time in spite of me not looking perfect.

    Fast forward to getting home that evening and I had a message on the answering machine from a friend saying she had awful news about our colleague and friend Kelly. So, of course even though it was late I could not wait till morning as now I was very concerned and worried. I called her back and she told me that Kelly, who was only 43, had been found dead on the kitchen floor by her husband when he got home from a business trip that day. Their 2 year old baby was crying next to her. She had been in excellent health with no medical conditions whatsoever. The officials don't yet know what she died from but think it was either an aneurysm or heart attack. I was devastated and shaken. Here was a healthy young woman in the prime of her life with a baby and husband and everything to look forward to and now she was gone. Heartbreaking truly.

    Made me feel ridiculous and foolish and selfish and awful for obsessing about my rosacea all day before we met the family of Greg's colleague that evening.

    Sorry to share such a tragic story with all of you and again it is an extreme example for sure but yet, reality. So, while I am not saying it doesn't suck to have rosacea and deal with this everyday etc I am just saying it could be worse...much worse. So as Kristina said it does help to appreciate what you do have and that your loved ones are here and every day is a new day and gift. Perspective makes everything seem better. Because poor Kelly doesn't get another day, another chance, a future. It is so unfair but there it is. I keep thinking about her little boy and her husband and cannot imagine how they must be feeling. There is no relief for them.

    So I am not saying don't let yourself feel sad about our rosacea or mad or angry or unhappy no, not at all. There is no wrong feeling. They are your feelings and cannot be judged by another. You are entitled to feel the way you feel. All I am saying is let the emotions wash over you and allow yourself to feel badly and then put it in perspective.

    Best wishes,
    Melissa

    PS Kristina thanks, I find your posts very helpful as well!
    Last edited by Melissa W; 26th June 2008 at 10:52 PM.

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    That's terrible, Melissa. It's frightening how fragile life is. You're so right that we need to see every day as a gift.

    Kristina

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    Melissa, I know what you mean. In my second term of universty, my flatmate had her friend to visit. My boyfriend was also visiting me at the time, and the four of us went out for coffee and cake in a local teahouse. We all got on really well.

    A few months later and her friend is dead - he was involved in a carcrash and was found dead in his car, in a field, a couple of days after the crash, so presumably whoever hit him just left him.

    I think if we had been told that one of us would be dead within a month, we'd all of us have really started living life to the full. Frightening, really.

  9. #9
    Senior Member allibear's Avatar
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    @Derek, I know it's easy for us all to talk about worse conditons in life that can happen. I know how diffifcult it is to stop obsessing and becoming self absorbed over the state of our faces, sometimes the only person you can think of is yourself. I have done the same even though I know there are so many worse conditions that I could be strucken down with. Don't do what I did and shut everyone out or forget to focus on the important things in your life. Your immediate family and friends are your immediate support and confident. When you start to forget about other people and the important things in your life, when you get so self obsessed with this, you slowly float off onto an isolated island and it's not a nice place to be. It's only when I ended up on this island that the real depression really started to take hold, and it was all my own doing. It is difficult when you are at a real low with this but try to focus on the important things, your family, friends, work and life.

    I have a bit of a warped sense of humour and it wasn't until I started to take the piss out of myself and how I looked, when I was around other people, that I started to be able to cope with the whole thing more and got a bit of relief from the stress I put myself under with it. We all develop our own strange ways of dealing with it I suppose. Mine was to threaten to remove my makeup and expose anyone who annoyed me to nuclear radiation and come out with things like, this is good practice for the menopause when a big flush struck in work etc, sounds a bit sick but when people laughed we all laughed together and it give me some kind of spirit lift to the way I generally felt.

    My stepfather has developed skin cancer on the face, (he worked many years abroad in the sun), and has just had a massive tumour removed that requied 8 stitches and there are smaller ones over his face here and there, and he doesn't give a hoot about it. I look at him and think what I have is nothing in comparison and when mine goes bad, there are antibiotics and other things available that at least do not involve a surgeons knife.

    @Mellissa, sad story and brings it all home at how trivial a skin condition really is in the light of the bigger picture. I had a friend who died several years ago, aged 42. She had a stroke but lived on her own and wasn't found for 4 days. There was always speculation that she wouldn't have died if she hadn't have lived on her own and someone could have called an ambulance right away. None of us know what fates lie around the corner for us or how much time we get.
    Last edited by allibear; 29th June 2008 at 12:04 AM.

  10. #10
    Junior Member darild's Avatar
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    Default Bummed out

    All this death talk is really bumming me out. Cut it out!
    In all seriousness, thank you for cheering me up with all of your kind words. I am feeling much better now and I will definitely remember all of the good things in my life the next time I find myself slipping into wallowing in self pity mode.
    As Jon Bon Jovi said: "No man's an island."
    Derek

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