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  • I've decided to kill myself

    I cannot live this misery any longer. My life has alway been miserable. As a teen i suffered with Anorexia. That ruined my life for a few years. I had a few months of respite. Then I developed secere acnen That ruined my life for a few years. Then I had about a year of respite. Then i had very mild small area of rosacea. My life was still good. I eas so happy. Friends, a job i was going to keep, beauty.

    Then i got IPL that destroyed my face and triggered neurogenic rosacea. I can't go to work. Can't see friends. Can't get in a car. Can't go in the sun. Can't go to my sister's wedding. Can't be with a man.

    I am a severe burden to my family.

    My sister had a baby. My niece. I thought this meant that I must stay around, keep living. Now I realise this means I should die. A new life has come and my worthless, embarrassing, miserable, nuisance of a life must come to an end.

    I cannot live this misery anymore.

  • #2
    You need help from friends, family or professionals. Rosacea has a psychological impact that emotionally can devastate your life, yet there is help for you. You are not alone and without hope. There are ways to treat rosacea and the psychological damage it causes. Do not give up. Get help.

    If you get help and get through this you can then help other rosacea sufferers with the same issue which is reciprocal. Rosaceans helping rosaceans.
    Last edited by Brady Barrows; 12 September 2020, 12:59 PM.
    Brady Barrows
    Blog - Join the RRDi


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    • #3
      I was very, very close to suicide a little over a year ago due to neurogenic rosacea, so I know what you're feeling. There are medications that can help- what have you tried so far? Mirtazapine and hydroxychloroquine helped me a lot and currently I'm trying duloxetine. Lifestyle adjustments are important as well- do whatever you can to minimize stress (I know it's really difficult and almost seems impossible when you're flushing badly), eat an anti-inflammatory diet, don't eat too close to bedtime (I don't eat after 6pm), and avoid your triggers as best you can.

      To be honest I felt like I had to restructure my life when I got neurogenic rosacea. I got an accommodation to work from home, then I left my stressful corporate job, got back into my passions (visual art), got a less demanding job, and went to therapy weekly. I really simplified my life so that I could focus on my health and I leaned on my husband and my parents for emotional support. These days, the flushing can still be really bothersome, but for the most part I'm positive and enjoying life.

      I know that your family and friends want you around and I for one really want you to stick around too- those of us with neurogenic rosacea need to stick together and help each other find treatments and get through this. This site is a really good resource and there are many others on here that know what you're going through.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Jamoverton View Post
        I was very, very close to suicide a little over a year ago due to neurogenic rosacea, so I know what you're feeling. There are medications that can help- what have you tried so far? Mirtazapine and hydroxychloroquine helped me a lot and currently I'm trying duloxetine. Lifestyle adjustments are important as well- do whatever you can to minimize stress (I know it's really difficult and almost seems impossible when you're flushing badly), eat an anti-inflammatory diet, don't eat too close to bedtime (I don't eat after 6pm), and avoid your triggers as best you can.

        To be honest I felt like I had to restructure my life when I got neurogenic rosacea. I got an accommodation to work from home, then I left my stressful corporate job, got back into my passions (visual art), got a less demanding job, and went to therapy weekly. I really simplified my life so that I could focus on my health and I leaned on my husband and my parents for emotional support. These days, the flushing can still be really bothersome, but for the most part I'm positive and enjoying life.

        I know that your family and friends want you around and I for one really want you to stick around too- those of us with neurogenic rosacea need to stick together and help each other find treatments and get through this. This site is a really good resource and there are many others on here that know what you're going through.
        Being in anti depressants for the rest of my life doesn't sound like a real life for me. I'm scared of side effects on the psyche

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Sineadrosy View Post
          Being in anti depressants for the rest of my life doesn't sound like a real life for me. I'm scared of side effects on the psyche
          Ok, well I'm on antidepressants and I'm still living a "real" life, whatever that means.
          Also, that wasn't the only possible solution I suggested to you. You are sounding a little resistant to help, which I understand, but it's going to block you from getting better if you don't learn to be open-minded. If you're finding that difficult, you might want to try seeing a therapist.

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Jamoverton View Post
            Ok, well I'm on antidepressants and I'm still living a "real" life, whatever that means.
            Also, that wasn't the only possible solution I suggested to you. You are sounding a little resistant to help, which I understand, but it's going to block you from getting better if you don't learn to be open-minded. If you're finding that difficult, you might want to try seeing a therapist.
            ? Wasn't trying to offend you. I took them before and they made me feel like crap hence why I said it wouldn't be a real life *for me*

            I appreciate yor initial response but unfortunately I've already made my mind up. I just made this ppst to get it off my chest.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Sineadrosy View Post
              ? Wasn't trying to offend you. I took them before and they made me feel like crap hence why I said it wouldn't be a real life *for me*

              I appreciate yor initial response but unfortunately I've already made my mind up. I just made this ppst to get it off my chest.
              Sineadrosy,
              You are so important to everybody around you. There are so many different things that can help. Ignore any doctors who don?t know how to help and say nothing can be done. Everybody who is on here has gone through bad times but we have all helped each other so much.

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              • #8
                I regularly feel like killing myself as I know things will not improve but only get worse.
                The reason i haven't is because i wouldn't want to put my family or partner through the pain of finding me.
                I don't work and as of late don't go out in public.
                I know i haven't been helpful but wanted to let you know there are others who feel the same

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                • #9
                  you should at least tell your family how you feel.Make an appointment to see a doctor

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                  • #10
                    I feel the same some times. I'm on antidepressant and don't worry about secondary effects. And look, if You are decided to kill yourself, a bit of headache or gut pain is nothing in comparison with death. Try everything you can, everything. Antidepressant, antiflushing meds..etc. I know is hard to say "hey, I need help with my mental health" but if yo are in that situation, please, try it.

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                    • #11
                      You seem really bad psychologically. But for now, you haven't tried everything yet, keep in mind that it only takes ONE treatment to work and you could get your life back. We may be able to help direct you to the right treatment. If you don't mind, answer these few questions:

                      - What type of redness do you have? Persistent? Discontinuous flushes? Do you have a lot of pimples or is it mostly intense flushing / redness?
                      - Do you have any associated digestive problems? (diarrhea, bloating, etc.)
                      - Are you allergic to something? (gluten, milk, histamine?)
                      - Do you have any other symptoms or problems? (weight, fatigue, headaches)?

                      Rosacea is often a misdiagnosis, and the rash can be a sign of a different disease. There may be an underlying cause that will explain your condition. We have to keep looking and go to different doctors.

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                      • #12
                        Agreed Ryohiku.. it only takes 1 treatment to work and life gets so much better.
                        Sineadrosy, accept the help on this forum and between us all, we?ll set you on the right path.

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                        • #13
                          This psychological technique was recommended to me by the New York dermatologist, Dr Alan Dattner, as he said his rosacea patients had benefited from it. It's called tapping or the emotional freedom technique. All you have to do is follow the instructions in the video to feel calmer and it takes 12 minutes.

                          https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IWu3rSEddZI&t=3s

                          If you find tapping helpful, there are lots of affordable books on it by Nick Ortner, and many free resources online if you search his name and tapping too.

                          There are some excellent clinical psychologists with interests in skin conditions or anxiety, but that can take a lot of energy and time to find the right person. So hopefully tapping can be useful in between. I have found hypnosis a helpful technique, other people find cognitive behavioural therapy useful.

                          Of course, talk to friends and family as well.

                          There are many medications, topical approaches and dietary suggestions that are likely to improve the rosacea itself. This can take a lot of time and determination to find the right solution for you, though.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Ryohiku View Post
                            You seem really bad psychologically. But for now, you haven't tried everything yet, keep in mind that it only takes ONE treatment to work and you could get your life back. We may be able to help direct you to the right treatment. If you don't mind, answer these few questions:

                            - What type of redness do you have? Persistent? Discontinuous flushes? Do you have a lot of pimples or is it mostly intense flushing / redness?
                            - Do you have any associated digestive problems? (diarrhea, bloating, etc.)
                            - Are you allergic to something? (gluten, milk, histamine?)
                            - Do you have any other symptoms or problems? (weight, fatigue, headaches)?

                            Rosacea is often a misdiagnosis, and the rash can be a sign of a different disease. There may be an underlying cause that will explain your condition. We have to keep looking and go to different doctors.
                            I just have neurogenic rosacea so i flush badly amd am constanly red and in pain.i have nerve damage from IPL

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Sineadrosy View Post
                              I just have neurogenic rosacea so i flush badly amd am constanly red and in pain.i have nerve damage from IPL

                              do you also feel some pain in this place? Just like something is going on inside under the skin? or a pain / hug like there is something damaged under the skin?

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